Anna's Life

Why You Need To Praise God

2012-02-10T20:40:00.000-08:00

An imaginary reader¹ writes in, asking the following question in reference to my post about thriving:

When you are talking about prayer, what do you mean by "praise & adoration"?

Good question!

1. The Most Important Prayer

Praise and adoration is the most important way to pray.

Yes, I see you rolling your eyes. Miss Biddle down the street told you that if only everyone prayed the Rosary we would have bunnies everywhere, and your Baptist neighbor Mr. Hill sternly informs you that the only prayer that matters is the Salvation Prayer where you first accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior.

You have a million people telling you that their favorite way to pray is the absolute best way to pray in the whole bleeping world.

But I'm right.

Because Jesus said so.

Our Father in Matthew 6	Our Father in Luke 11
Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven Give us today our daily bread; and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors; and do not subject us to the final test, but deliver us from the evil one.	Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread and forgive us our sins for we ourselves forgive everyone in debt to us, and do not subject us to the final test.

This is Jesus' carefully crafted masterpiece on prayer. Its short-and-sweet appearance is just the icing on a very deep cake. For today, what you need to know is that these phrases are arranged from the most important to the least important².

And what's right at the top?

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

That is praise and adoration.

2. How do you DO praise and adoration?

Mostly, you do it by doing it.

You can start with thanking him. Thank Him for creating the world, thank him for not making you shovel snow out of the driveway yesterday. Especially remember to thank him for answered prayers. It's like thanking your aunt Hilda for the $50 in your birthday card, so that there will be another $50 next year.

Or, you know, if you've achieved higher levels of sanctity than I have, you might just thank him because you're purely grateful, without any hint of self-serving-ness about it.

Move on to telling him how mind-blowingly amazing he is. Pull out a thesaurus, make a list, get ideas from the Bible³, steal lyrics from praise songs, sing praise songs. If you run out of words and are just sitting there being in awe of Him, awesome.

Lifting your hands also fits in with that whole "incarnational theology" thing that some people are into.⁴

3. But what about ...?

...But what if I don't feel any of these things? Isn't that lying?

Do you only make your kid say "Sorry for slapping you upside the head and then kneeing you in the groin" if he feels sorry? If so, you're a jerk and you're doing it wrong. Mature, decent adults say "thank you" for a present they don't want, because the gift-giver deserves the thanks, even if they suck at picking out presents.⁵ God deserves your praise, whether you feel like giving it to him or not.

...But isn't it vain or self-serving of God to ask for praise?

No. It's vain and self-serving if we ask for ridiculous amounts of praise, because we aren't that awesome and we don't deserve it. He is, and He does.

And we probably get more benefit from it than he does, anyhow.

...But I feel so awkward about it!

Yeah, cause all of the greatest things in life - sex, marriage, friends, kids, work - they all go incredibly smoothly right from the start.

Oh wait, no they don't.

They're all as awkward as bleep when you first get started. That's life. The only way to get over the awkwardness is to keep doing it until it gets easier.

...But how long and how often do I need to do this?

The Our Father is a daily prayer, so "every day" is a good bet for how often. Jesus does not, however, say how long you have to do it for, so let's not set too many rules about it. If you need some sort of guideline to get you started, I'd guess I spend about 5-10 minutes of my prayer time on this, most days. (On an occasional bad day, all I have time for is a quick, "I love you, God". And there's probably people out there who praise God for 30 minutes straight, so maybe I'm doing it wrong.)

^{1. I'm not letting the lack of a reader who actually asked me that question get in the way of me answering it. ;)

2. "The Lord's Prayer is the most perfect of prayers. . . . In it we ask, not only for all the things we can rightly desire, but also in the sequence that they should be desired." [CCC, quoting Aquinas] If you are not fully convinced by this Our-Father argument, consider also that when Jesus was asked what the most important thing to do was, his answer was basically "love God with all your being". (see Matthew 22:37 and Luke 10:27). There are many ways to show love for God (serving people, studying the Bible, etc.), but the most direct way to show your love for God in prayer is to tell Him (with words or without) that you love Him and how great He is. This is the essence of praise and adoration.

3. Some places to start: Psalms 98, 100, 113, 117, 146, 147, and 150. Acts 13: 16-39, Ephesians 1:3-10, Hebrews 7:26, Rev 4, and Rev 15.

4. See 1 Tim 2:8 and Nehemiah 8:6. The latter also mentions praying with your face to the ground before the Lord... if you haven't tried that, you should.

5. I find the fake it till you make it principle applies here, too. If I don't "feel" it, saying it anyway goes a long ways towards getting me to feel it.}

First, See What You Can Do With What You Have

2012-02-07T19:28:00.000-08:00

That's the other big theme of my life right now - besides Mountain Climbing.

Here's a bunch of examples.

1. Camera

I mentioned before that I will need a better camera to take really quality photos, but I did the 30-Day Photo Challenge to see what I could do with the camera I had.

2. Clothes

In a video-chat with my sister, she complained that I was wearing a man's flannel top. I explained that I had two blouses that umm... fail to go all the way to my jeans in the back; two sleeveless tops that were too cold for winter; and one other top that I had worn the day before. I have only 3 jeans I can wear in public, and 3 skirts, two of which will not fit me at the same time. We agreed that if she ever wins it big with all those lottery tickets that she never buys, she'll get me a new wardrobe.

I need to catch up with Ken.

Until then, I am learning what I can do with what I have. For instance... one cute sweater¹ solves the too-cold and too-short blouse issues ².

3. House

I dream of getting a house, and we will be looking into the possibility of buying one later this year, but in the meantime, I have been learning what can be done with the space we got, by getting rid of the clutter, arranging things nicely, and generally trying to make the apartment a more pleasant place to live.

My latest obsession. Doesn't it just scream "home" to you?

4. Writing

I sense, too, that God has future plans for both my blog and for whatever book-writing I do, but that for now, I'm in the phase of learning and experimenting to find out what works best.

5. Gifts

I often have gift ideas in mind for people, but ever since I became an adult, I've generally been too poor to act on them. This year, I felt God leading me to buy my dad a gift on Epiphany. I think this betokens a dawning age in which I participate in this foreign ritual that other people do... but for now I still can't go crazy with it.

Dad got a Kindle version of this. I'm not quite sure how my copy got so abused.

6. Skin Care

I mentioned I was working on taking care of my skin. After finishing off the bottle of vanilla lotion that I loved, I was frustrated by my lack of funds to buy more. Then it occurred to me that I should see what I could do with the lotion I already had. Turned out I had another four or five bottles of lotions, which nicely lasted me until I had could buy more last Friday.

I don't think I'll use the baby oil again, except as last resort.

7. Phone

I've been lusting after an iPhone lately, despite the fact that I really don't need one. I decided that if I ever want to be a serious cell phone owner, I should start by seeing what I can do with the little prepaid cell that I have. Things like...

Charging it each night instead of waiting a week for it to die.
Not putting it in the same pocket with my watch that will scratch it.
Getting in the habit of silencing it at appropriate times, and then remembering to turn it back on.
Actually, like, maybe using it some of the time.³

I put a sticker on it to tell it apart from Ken's identical phone.

(I also saw a version of this clip about appreciating the awesomeness of limited technology, which made a very good point.)

8. Bible

The various Bibles I had been using have been falling apart for ages. When Ken started RCIA, I bought him a new Bible, but didn't have enough money left at the time to buy myself one too. His was so pretty and the translation was so much better than the one I had been reading from ⁴, that I really wanted my own pretty Bible. I kept finding my money needing to go towards other things, however. When I got frustrated and prayed about it, I felt God's answer was essentially to see what I could do with what I had. So I started reading from Ken's. It turns out, reading from a Bible that's not "mine" forces me to practice being extra careful with it. So my next Bible, down the road, might not get destroyed so quickly as my past ones.

Plus, his is just awesomeness layered on awesomeness.

So what about you? Is God telling you to see what you can do with what you have, before moving on to a better version?

^{1. Ever so slightly like this one.

2. Other bits of learned wisdom: When cleaning with bleach, the professional thing to do is change into grunge clothes, to preserve the nice ones. And qhite patches in umm... protruding areas of a shirt, wink wink... get grubby faster than colored patches elsewhere.

3. Because I am one of the 5 remaining people on the planet with a home phone, the prepaid cell phone doesn't get much use.

4. Even though they were both St. Joseph Edition NABs. Two or three times, though, I would look up a passage on biblos.com to get a feel for the Greek, and find that the phrasing in the old NAB was distinctly lacking in nuance, but that the new 2nd-edition NAB that I bought Ken had captured it perfectly.}

She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain When She Comes

2012-02-03T19:14:00.000-08:00

I used Jen's Saint Generator to pick a patron saint for this year, since last year's saint¹ had seemed appropriate enough.

Woe is me.

I got St. Bernard of Menthon, patron saint of mountain climbers and other things that sound like mountain climbers.

Alpinists; Mountain Climbers; Mountaineers; Skiers; Travellers in the Mountains

This began my landslide into the terrible, horrifying world of getting lots of things done.

Of course, on account of this Urban Ranger thing, I thought St. Bernard's patronage would be quite appropriate for my walking efforts.

Little did I know just how appropriate.

It soon became clear that God had more in mind than just encouraging me to walk more. References upon references piled in about certain topics. Left and right, I would come across things that struck me in that particular HELLO. THIS IS THE HOLY SPIRIT. CAN YOU HEAR ME? HELLO? way. God gave me more and more to do, and I started to wonder if he was a little insane for thinking I could do this all. More than one friend suggested that the things I was doing were preparing me for greater things, and I thought,"Greater things? You mean there could be more?! Oh ~~bleep~~!"

And then it would occur to me that what seemed to me to be impossibly difficult might actually be things that a normal person would consider the bare minimum of a healthy lifestyle. They might, in fact, be more equivalent to taking a 5-mile walk down straight and easy city streets, and not so equivalent to scaling the Alps, St. Bernard-style. Ah well. Such is life.

Here are some of my mountain-climbing, or not-so-mountain-climbing, efforts.

1. Cleaning

I've actually been trying to "intensely" work on cleaning my apartment for the better part of the last year, I think. And by "intense", I mean I was aiming to get in an hour of cleaning every day. And by "aiming" I mean that I was lucky if I got in an hour each week. Despite this utter failure of discipline on my part, my attempts did somehow manage to achieve minuscule forward progress instead of the steady backwards getting-a-bit-dirtier-every-day that had been the norm before. Over many months, this minuscule progress actually added up, and after Ken steam-cleaned the carpet before Christmas, I started to think that maybe the place could be mostly clean². It certainly wasn't clean, and still isn't, but it at least has reached the general vicinity where I could at least imagine it being clean.

One thing I started just recently was washing Julie's hands and face off nearly every time that I take her down from the table. It always feels like such a chore, but then I end up not having as many little peanut-butter smears on my jeans and the furniture, so it really helps.

If I don't feel like carrying her to the sink to wash her off, she can just nap there!

2. Exercising

As I was cleaning out old papers last year, there was this one little scrap of paper that I just could NOT throw away.

This was it. I'm pretty sure I had papers a lot older than 2003 in that stack.

More than once I stood there, holding it in my hand, telling myself that I was an idiot for not throwing it away. It didn't have anything important on it. Why would I possibly keep this paper? And yet, as my brain was screaming at my hand to toss it, my hand just kept adding it back in the pile.

It was like a scene from Bodysnatchers. That's the one where people's bodies get taken over, right? I don't know; I don't watch horror movies.

When I ran again into the 14 minutes of any kind of exercise concept, I thought of the scrap of paper, and thought, "oh. Maybe I should, you know, do that."

So I started dancing. Right that moment in front of my computer. No, I'm kidding. I started dancing in the morning for about 14 minutes. After St. Bernard showed up, I tried to make this "most" days instead of once or twice a week³.

3. Eating Fruits & Veggies

Or drinking them. See, it did not escape my notice that that scrap of paper also said "Vitamin B" on it. And the cuticle on my right pinky finger has been missing for some months now, which googled websites inform me may be related to vitamin deficiencies.

And then I ran into this Juicing 101 post. So I started making juices.

Mostly fruit-and-spinach juices.

I've also discovered that I like steamed carrots with butter and salt, steamed broccoli with parmesan, and spinach in various forms. Did you know it's basically impossible to get too many vitamins from fruits and veggies?

4. Taking Care of My Skin

People always tell you to put lotion on after you shower. I tried that a couple times, and gave up. Putting lotion on your whole body takes for. ev. er. Especially when you, um... have as much body to cover as I do. But the thought kept bothering me, and I was taking a lot of showers on account of all that dancing, so I decided to give this another go. After a week or two, I was surprised to notice that my skin was softer.

Seriously, who gets surprised by that?

Here's a couple points I discovered along the way:

It takes a lot less time to put on lotion if you do it fast. (It's amazing how dumb that sounds when I type it out. But it was a discovery for me how much less tedious it was when I just slathered it on as fast as I could.)
Lotioning your legs is a lot easier if you keep them shaved⁴.

My skin-care regimen. The facial routine is a recent addition too. That Paula's Choice BHA has noticeably improved the little-tiny-red-acne on my forehead.

Now if I could just de-frizz my hair, I might look halfway cute. I plan on working on that, too.

5. Writing

God keeps giving me ~~commands~~ hints about how to be a better writer, and apparently I'm supposed to actually write a book. Not only that, but he seems to be insisting I make a better blog, too. Specifically by (a) taking better photos and (b) being funnier⁵. That was why I did the 30 Day Photo Challenge, and hopefully I'll be able to keep including good pics in my blog posts. Although I'm frankly confident that I will shortly fall flat on my face in that regard, too. It's just a matter of time. Only God can do something about that. Hear that, God? It's all up to you, buddy.

As for being funny, if you can't tell that I was aiming for humor in this blog post, then I've clearly failed. In which case, you should tell me so, so that I can make it better. I will drown in bitter anguish at my loss of self-esteem and I will hate you forever, but it will all be worth it because it. will. make. my. blog. better.

And 20 years from now, Gayle will finally find out whether the young man comes back or not⁶.

6. Working on my Marriage

This one first came to my attention when I noticed that I was more or less attempting every single one of the items on Jen's list except "Put special effort into your marriage." I thought, huh, you know, maybe it's not the best idea to go around neglecting the love of my life and ignoring the one person who means more to me than anyone short of God. So when I came across a Romance Challenge by Betty Beguiles (her tweet conveniently pointed out when to start it so that it would end on Valentine's), I said, "Sign me up." Today's challenge involves "date night", which is ironic, because Ken has to work late tonight, and I don't know when he'll be home. But whenever he does, there will be date night.

I'm pretty sure I've had this since we were married 9 years and 10 months ago, and I never put photos in it. That will all change on Day 6 of the Romance Challenge.

^{1. St. Teresa of Avila, patron against headaches and against the death of parents, patron of people in need of grace and of people ridiculed for their piety. And patron of lacemakers. Not all of these apply to me.

2. With the exception of my bedroom.

3. Right now I'm on a two-week hiatus because my foot started to hurt after one morning of trying to dance tippy-toe-like. I made a few feeble attempts to substitute push-ups and crunches and squatting in the place of dancing, but that kept petering out. I hope be able to go back to dancing by next Monday, though.

4. I'm also grateful to LMLD for pointing out that if you shave your legs often, you don't have to be careful about it.

5. When I read Cracked.com every day, I'm not addicted, it's just research into how to be funny and make a poignant point at the same time. Really. I could drop it any time. Really. Why won't you believe me, anonymous reader?}

^{6. So as not to make this an inside joke that no one understands except Gayle, let me point out that she is a friend from my prayer group, and after reading my short story about Agatha and the Young Man, she twice came up to ask me whether the young man in the story came back to Mass or not. Since I hadn't continued writing the story yet when she asked, I said I didn't know. Her little question has been a major impetus inspiring me to keep writing the story. When I say God wants me to write a book, that's the one I'm working on.}

My Simple Guide To a Camera's Manual Mode

2012-01-31T20:42:00.000-08:00

Part 1.
Why should you go beyond auto mode?

Avoid red-eye.

Get more natural coloring.

Avoid shiny reflections messing with your photos.

(No equivalent)

Take cool time-delay photos.

Take photos in situations that auto mode just can't handle.

Part 2.
How To Use Manual Mode

A) Know the Three Basic Settings You Can Change In Manual Mode.

Aperture determines the range over which objects show up in focus. These numbers have an "f" in front of them, like f3.2 or f22. Use low f-stops (like f3.2) for close-ups, but for landscapes, use high f-stops¹. For this purpose, "close-up" basically means everything in the same room as you, unless you're in a giant hotel party room or something. If you were at a football game and wanted both the guy right next to you and the player 50 feet away to be in focus, you would use as high of an f-stop as you could. To get a blurred background, you set the f-stop low.

Shutter Speed determines how long your shutter stays open for. These numbers usually show up as a fraction of a second, like 1/8 or 1/1000. My camera will go as high as 16 seconds². You want fast speeds to take a sharp, clear photo of a moving object, aka a wriggly child. You want a slow shutter speed (1/8 is slow, whole seconds are very slow) to take one of those "long exposure" shots or if you're in a really low-light situation, like the snow at night. The slower your speed is, the more important it is that the camera be held still, or else everything ends up blurred. I find that right around 1/30 to 1/20, I reach the limit of my hands to hold still. Anything slower than that, and I have to find a stable surface to set the camera on. (Like, say, a tripod. Oh that's right, I don't own one. A number of my photos would be better quality if I did.)

ISO is just about light. A higher ISO will make a brighter picture; if there's lots of light in the surroundings, it may be too bright. And if your ISO is too high, there is a risk of making the picture grainy, although I only ran into this problem once or twice during the 30 Day Photo Challenge.

B) Have An Order to Set Them In.

It helps a lot to have a default order that you set those three settings in. Different people use different orders, and that's fine. Here's mine:

1. ISO. I set this first. 1600 for in my dim apartment, because that's as high as the ISO goes on my camera. 200 for outside on a cloudy day in the Pacific Northwest during winter. I'll probably use 64 for a bright summer day.

2. Aperture. Since I'm usually taking indoor shots of the kids, I tend to leave this on the lowest setting it will go, which is usually f2.8, but sometimes f3.2 or f3.6 if I've zoomed in. If I go outside and want to take a picture of something farther away than, say, the length of a room, I will ratchet this up to f8.0 (which is as high as my camera goes).

3. Shutter Speed. Now, since I have wriggly kids, ideally I would set this to 1/125 or lower/faster. However, since I also have a not-very-well-lit apartment and limited ISO, those settings can be relied on to give me some very dark pictures. At this step, I use this amazing thing called a light meter³, which gives me a number ranging from maybe -7 to +7, to tell me how much light is hitting the camera right then. The idea is to aim for the light to be as close to 0 as you can get it⁴. So this step consists of me aiming the camera, and then setting the shutter speed as low as I can get it without making the light meter drop below the general vicinity of 0 to -1. This usually puts my shutter speeds at about 1/40 to 1/30, which means I have to get the kids to hold still, or else they may blur.

There's a ghost in the room.

C) More Random Advice.

Take lots of experimental photos to get a feel for your camera.
It's ok to pose your subject material to get a better photo. Having something worth taking a photo of matters as much as, if not more than, how well you take the photo.
"Scene" modes can be a very useful middle step between full-auto and full-manual mode. The snow-at-night photo above was taken in "night landscape" mode, because it was way too cold for me to take the time to fiddle around with the manual settings.

*For more reading on how I came to figure out enough to write this post, check out the 30 Day Photo Challenge that I did with my daughter.
^{1. A lower f-stop number actually means a larger aperture which means a smaller field of focus, in case you want the confusing version of how low numbers = close-ups.

2. Which is displayed as 16".

3. It's not something you buy separately. It's a feature on the camera. If your camera has manual mode, I'm guessing it also has a light meter somewhere. Mine just displays the number (which flickers as I point the camera around different spots); some cameras may display the light meter as a number bar with a marker that moves along it?

4. Some photographers find that they have a preference for lighter or darker photos, and will aim for the light meter to read whatever their preference is. You can experiment to find your tastes. If you're a beginner, just start with aiming for 0.}

2012-01-24T22:03:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

Day 24: Animal

2012-01-23T23:02:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

It's been a long time since I held a cat.

Anna

Day 23: Sunflare

2012-01-22T19:31:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

Of course, it poured today. So we, umm, made our own sunflares. By which I mean that Kyrie made her own sunflare, and I got lazy and took a screenshot of a google-image search for 'sunflare'.

Day 22: Hands

2012-01-21T21:12:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

Hmm. I think what I learned today was that when you have kids who are more interested in squirming than posing for your shots, it is easier to get a decent shot on "auto" mode than to take the time to get the manual settings just right. If it weren't so dim in my apartment, I could just make the shutter speed faster. But as it is, I usually have to have my iso to max, f-stop to lowest, and still have to slow my shutter speed to 1/20th of a second or so, in order to get a decent amount of light. Or else I turn the flash on, and then forget to slow the shutter speed or turn the iso down, so it comes out too bright. And by the time I get that fixed, the kids have wandered off.

I Want To Keep Thriving

2012-01-20T22:36:00.000-08:00

Jennifer Fulwiler started a blog discussion about thriving by encouraging mothers of young children not to put off thriving. Arwen Mosher responded by saying that she was thriving, and thriving didn't mean society's image of fulfillment. Betty Beguiles mused on how in her experience of motherhood, there are seasons of want and seasons of plenty, and thriving looks different in each.

There's just one thing I want to say in response:

I don't want to go back.

Let me explain. When Julie turned a year old last September, I estimated that in the 9-and-a-half years since I first got pregnant, I had spent only 10 months of being BOTH not-pregnant AND without-a-baby-under-one¹. 10 months, out of 9+ years. That's not very many seasons of plenty to go with those long seasons of want. Being four months, right now, into a season of having energy that most human beings would consider "normal", I can say that I don't want to go back.

I don't want to go back to having a house that is so filthy that I find myself cringing when I take a picture of the kids doing something cute, because the background is so awful.
I don't want to go back to getting out of breath if I have to bend over and pick something up, instead of spending 15 minutes dancing every morning and occasionally walking 5 miles to do errands instead of driving.
I don't want to go back to wearing baggy men's clothes because they're easier, instead of finally feeling like my cute, girly clothes show that I haven't given up on myself.
I don't want to go back to where I used the same knife for mayonnaise that I just used for peanut butter, because I couldn't bear the thought of having an extra butter knife to wash².
I don't want to go back to having my prayer times consist of maybe 20 minutes - if I'm lucky and the kids don't interrupt me - of talking with God or reading Scripture, but probably not both. I love my hour-and-a-half morning cycle of intercessory prayer, rosary, praise & adoration, quiet listening, and Scripture or Catechism reading, all before the kids get up.
I don't want to go back to eating nothing but bread and dairy because of the nausea. I don't want to go back to where "peel an apple" or "steam some veggies" are steps that sound too exhausting to be realistic.
I don't want to go back to where I rarely, if ever, feel those sudden surges of love for my kids, that light up my life so intensely.

I don't want to go back. I want to keep thriving, in these ways and more.

I know God well enough that I trust Him. He's done enough for me so that I know whatever he asks of me will end up being good for me. When He asks me to get pregnant again, I'll say, "Yes, God." And I'll be happy about the baby. The children themselves are always worth it, and I would be disappointed if I never had any more.

But it scares me.

And I can see why other women, women who don't have the same kind of relationship with God that I have, or who don't have the same moral conviction about the importance of openness to children, would simply choose not to get pregnant again.

^{1. A lady once told me that she noticed that after having babies, she would experience a boost in energy at about 6 months postpartum, and another boost in energy at 1 year. Roughly speaking, I have found this true of myself as well. So I consider one year to be an acceptable gauge for when you begin to have energy levels that would otherwise be considered normal.

2. It reminds me of this article mentioning some things that keep poor people poor. Anything you might do to make more money requires having more money. Likewise, anything that you might do to get more energy requires having more energy.}

Day 21: Faceless Self-Portrait

2012-01-20T17:38:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie & Anna

A two-for-one shot today, since Kyrie leaped into my shot of myself, and then declared that she liked this one better than the others she took of herself.

Day 20: Bokeh

2012-01-19T20:10:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

My elfin girl¹

I didn't even know there was such a thing as bokeh. Apparently, it means "blurred background". Except, not just any blurred background. Technical details are abounding, but all I got out of the descriptions was something about circles of light or, depending on the camera, possibly hexagons or other multi-sided figures of light.

So I have no idea if these pictures are technically bokeh or not. But look! We have blurred backgrounds! See?! That will have to be enough.

Kyrie really really really wants me to write about how she got the laptop in her background to be blurred, even though it was close to the fairy. That is, in fact, an impressive feat. I could hardly get the background-on-the-other-side-of-the-room to be blurred, much less something only three feet away. But I have circles of light on mine! So there!

^{1. My near-sighted elfin girl. The eye doctor today was impressed that she knew she was near-sighted even before he tested her. She picked out frames, so she'll have glasses in a week or two.}

Day 19: Something Orange

2012-01-18T21:48:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

Since it did that rare thing and actually snowed here today, I took a ton of snow pictures. I figured as long as I was doing that, I might as well make my "orange" be the bright orange "Public Storage" units that live just behind the houses across the street.

I learned that the "night landscape" mode does, in fact, work to take a picture of the snow before it even gets light out. (I was afraid the snow might melt before the sun came up, but it stayed the whole day.) The Night Landscape mode had a really long shutter speed, so I had to stabilize the camera. But it worked way better than the flash that went off when Ken tried a picture on auto mode; the flash only got a couple feet of snow before petering off into darkness.

Day 18: Your Shoes

2012-01-17T14:27:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

Your big shoes make me look like a Hobbit, mom!

Apparently, the way to make a cute shot of ~~really ugly~~ plain shoes is to repeatedly tell yourself that you don't need to homeschool the kids because you have a cold, and then spend the morning reading Cracked.com instead. When your three-year-old starts tugging on your shirt saying, "Doo-ee your toos, mommy, riwwy, mommy!", do your best to ignore him until he gets too loud, and then turn around and realize that Doo-ee wearing your toos is a lot cuter photo, riwwy [really], than the shoes by themselves, and you have a sworn duty to immediately grab your camera (which is conveniently located right next to you, because the Lord knows walking the entire ten steps to where the camera usually belongs would have been way too much to expect of you when you're in the middle of reading Cracked) and get off a single shot, seconds before she steps out of the shoes to come look at the camera that you've just picked up. This is your sworn duty because you embarked on this 30-Day Photo Challenge in the first place, and God keeps telling you to get off your lazy behind and do things as if you were a professional.*

Kyrie is apparently getting into this "take a lot of pictures to see which one you like best" philosophy. She took 41 pictures of her shoes today. Forty-one. I, by contrast, took 5 initial pictures and then later the unexpected shot of Julie.

Oh, and Savi is daily begging me to let her take photos - and producing some decent results occasionally - which is making me wonder if I should have her do the full 30 Day challenge herself. Her birthday is next month, so if I started Savi on the 25th next week, she could finish on her birthday. (Just like Kyrie is finishing this set on her birthday.) I'm not sure I would want to hijack my blog for another month, though, so I might put Savi's pictures up on twitter or Facebook. Probably twitter. Elijah would probably like to learn how to use the camera, too; he might have to wait for his birthday, which isn't until May.

*Actually, it's more like "as if you were a slave" than "as if you were a professional", but I thought that maybe if I used the word professional instead, that no one would feel the need to reassure me that God doesn't want me to be a downtrodden slave. Don't worry; I'm not in any danger of being downtrodden. I'm only in danger of being lazy and not getting the work done. The slave image is my antidote to this.

Day 17: Technology

2012-01-16T20:39:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

We have way too much technology.

Day 16: Long Exposure

2012-01-15T22:02:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

I showed Kyrie this long exposure picture to give her an idea of what "long exposure" meant, and she pretty much just wanted to duplicate it.

I didn't end up with any good shots of the kids moving around, because we have too much background clutter, so I went with getting a shot of the snow. It's not much of a long exposure, because I discovered that if you try to take a long exposure when it's not entirely dark out, you get a very very white picture. This was as long of an exposure as I could manage and still have things be somewhat clear.

Really, this whole getting-good-pictures thing is a lot of work.

DAY 15: Silhouette

2012-01-14T22:14:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

I learned that, in order to get a silhouette photo, you not only have to have your subject standing right in front of a light source, you also have to turn off all the other lights in the area.

I also learned that Kyrie is losing steam on this photo project; she was much more interested in the video game the kids were playing than in getting a good photo.

(Savi, on the other hand, keeps begging me to let her take 10 or 5 or however many pictures of different things, too.)

Day 14: Eyes

2012-01-13T17:11:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

If she was paying attention, Kyrie learned how to crop pictures on my laptop. I "learned", what I already knew, that my camera has focusing issues with things that close up. I believe that I had to use the manual focus to convince my camera to take this shot.

Although she liked the picture of Jubal better, Kyrie actually got a couple shots of Elijah's eyes by having the lower half of his face hiding behind a solid chair. I thought it made for a very cute "eyes" shot, and wished I had thought to try that.*

*But not enough to actually try that.

Day 13: Yourself with 13 Things

2012-01-12T19:02:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

13 toys for Kyrie. 13 books on my reading list. (Although, really, that little yellow book called Radical Optimism is one I've read several times and probably not going to re-read again soon. But it's sort of holding the place for another book that I am going to order.)

Let's see... did I learn anything? I learned that my hair is really frizzy and I don't care for the way I usually look. (Well, ok, I already knew that.) I learned that my reading list is only 13 books, which somehow sounds a lot more manageable than I was imagining it to be. I learned that the red-eye flash doesn't really get rid of red-eye. I learned that when I'm on the short end of sleep, I don't really care enough to arrange everything just perfect for a picture. So there you go.

Day 12: Sunset

2012-01-11T21:58:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

All I can say is... it's really hard to get a picture of the sunset when there's a hedge to the west that's taller than you are. (Even standing on a chair, it's taller than my eye level.) Also, it was freezing* and impossible to see because the wind, the crazy crazy wind we're having right now kept blowing my hair in my face.

Seriously, I had to stand on the tallest stool we have and then hold the camera up as high as I could and try to point it in the right direction, to get my photo. I lifted Kyrie part way onto my shoulder to get hers.

Since I spent the whole day obsessively trying to finish three photobooks so that I could order them before Shutterfly's sale ends today, I forgot to ask Kyrie which of those two photos she preferred before she went to bed. So I'm including them both. (If she picks one tomorrow, I might remove the other. Or not.)

*I realize that to my family and friends in the Midwest, it does not count as "freezing" when it is not even below the literal freezing point (It's 36 right now), but for us Pacific Northwesterners, that wind makes it really cold.

Day 11: Something Blue

2012-01-10T20:28:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

I'm not sure I learned anything specific today. Or I'm just too exhausted to know it. But I think I'm slowly making progress.

Day 10: Childhood Memory

2012-01-09T22:04:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

Kyrie's picture is of the first toy she ever got. (Kris Sackett, if you read this, you're the one who bought it for her!) We call the toy "Ducky Bear". As for my picture, those are my journals. The one on the bottom of the pile started when I was 14, and they go all the way to the pretty one in front that I'm currently writing in. I thought it was an appropriate picture for a "childhood memory", since I recently came to the conclusion that God wanted me to go through and reread them all.

Kyrie took her photo in manual mode, which impressed me. She may be getting the hang of manual mode much faster than I did? I tried (as I have been on most days) a variety of settings - auto mode, portrait mode, various manual settings with and without flash. When I was flipping between settings, the wheel stopped for a moment on the shutter-priority mode, and I felt that little tug which seems to indicate God telling me something. It seemed kind of pointless, but I went ahead and took a picture in shutter-priority mode. And what do you know. When I uploaded all the photos, that is the only photo that came out decently.

The flash did not treat kindly with the shiny parts of the facing journal. The manual mode pictures also came out overly bright and yellowed; apparently I had the shutter speed too slow for how high the iso was. I'm guessing, but I think that the overly-bright aspect was not apparent from the camera's preview, but was definitely there in the uploaded shots. The lower iso and the slow-but-not-too-slow shutter speed that I got on shutter priority mode ended up being just right.

Day 9: Someone You Love

2012-01-08T18:06:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

Kyrie had planned to get all of us to line up in front of the TV, but after playing with the neighbor boy Jubal for a bit, she decided to take a shot of him instead.

I'm going with this shot of Ken because this is the one with the sweetest look/framing to it. But the actual quality of the shot is not that great. This was one of my manual attempts, and "Backlight" mode definitely produced better results than my manuals. (But it's so sweet, I can't resist.) It's difficult to play around with the manual settings to get just the right shot when you have an uncooperative subject who is just as likely to stick his hand in front of the camera as smile nicely. Although, in fairness, I was shanghai-ing him when he has a cold and was trying to juggle soothing Julie and cooking at the same time. So he might have had just a wee, tiny, itsy bitsy bit of an excuse for not standing perfectly still with an angelic look on his face for five hours while I tried out 347 different setting combinations. And he was, actually, quite cooperative, considering.

As for learning anything... backlit mode appears to accomplish what it does by (a) using flash and (b) using a slow-ish shutter speed (1/30 to 1/40 or so). This seems slightly odd to me... wouldn't a longer exposure time means that more light is coming from behind the subject? Yes, more light would be coming from the subject itself, but I would think that if the two were disproportionate, increasing the time would only make it more so. Does the flash always work better with slower shutter speeds? I suppose it makes sense that the longer time allows more of the light from the flash to enter the camera, and this would balance out against the light coming from behind.

I'll have to see if I can remember that next time I'm taking a picture with light coming from behind. Flash + slow shutter.

Day 8: A Bad Habit

2012-01-07T15:20:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

This was something like how the conversation went...
Kyrie: What's tomorrow's photo thing?
Me: Let's see. Here it is. "A bad habit."
Kyrie: What's a bad habit?
Me: [explaining what a bad habit is]
Kyrie: I don't think I have any bad habits.
Me: Well, you're picking at your lips right now. That could be considered a bad habit.
Kyrie: Ok, I'll take a picture of that.

As for my bad habit, let's just say I had a lot to choose from. (I even got as far as three different subjects that I was trying out multiple shots for... and that's not counting the ones I won't take a picture of, like my messy bedroom.) Anyhow, my allergies result in a constant accumulation of Kleenex tissues. This is a bad habit mostly because I don't throw them away as promptly as I should. My pockets bulge outward with both clean and used tissues. I think this is quite unattractive, but I have yet to hit on an appropriate solution.* (Although I am working a little on being more prompt about throwing out the used ones.)

This is what I have learned:

When I switch to trying a shot with the flash on, I need to remember to turn the iso back down. Or else I end up with a very very white picture.
The kids are really amused to see themselves as fuzzy streams of light. (This came about when I was showing Kyrie how some of the manual settings work.)
I can get a shot of what the TV is displaying if I shoot in manual mode with the flash off. This is interesting, because I have tried to capture things on the TV before, and the auto-flash always got in the way.
When shooting non-glowing stationary objects, the crystal sharpness from the flash can be a real advantage. Also, in this situation, auto mode might still be better than I am... I could get a decent shot of a tin can with pencils in it while still sitting on the couch across the room in auto mode, but I had to spend about 15 minutes trying things out and looking at them on my computer to get comparable results in manual mode - and even then, only when I took close-up shots with the flash on.
I have also learned that doing a 30-Day Photo Challenge makes my camera's batteries run out real fast. I had just put a new battery in about the time the challenge began, and it started flashing low-battery yesterday. Accordingly, I decided to immediately purchase a set of rechargeable CRV3s. I anticipate that this will mean I have to frequently reset the date and time on the camera, since the rechargeable batteries probably have shorter life spans than the regular ones, but it will be worth it not to have to spend $8 or so every week on a new battery. The rechargeables should arrive on the 14th... I'm just hoping my current battery lasts that long.

*Unless you count frequently asking God to cure me of my allergies as a "solution".

Day 7: Fruit

2012-01-06T17:54:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

f2.8

1/20

1600

Thanks to this Juicing 101 post, I had a conversation with Ken earlier this week about making V-8 style juice drinks for myself and the kids - particularly Gabe, who has anti-vegetable issues at dinner. I was thinking of using apples or pears as a sweet base for vegetable mixes... but when Ken came home from the grocery store yesterday, he had bought a huge pile of fruit, with nary a vegetable to be seen.

So then, when I looked to see what today's 30-Day Photo Challenge would be, I was vastly amused to see that the subject was "fruit". Plenty of that here!*

Kyrie's photo has at least one of each type of fruit that Ken bought; my photo just has the ones that I put into today's juice mix. (Which was a hit with the kids, of course.)

Today I wanted to see if I could figure out why there appears to be a (slight?) anti-flash bias on the part of professional photographers. Does flash really make for worse photos?

My result is sort of a yes-and-no. In the end, I picked a photo without the flash, because I liked the softness and the more natural-looking colors. The pear, especially, tended to turn into a shiny blob of whiteness with the flash. However, you can see in Kyrie's picture how much clearer each individual blackberry and raspberry are, with the flash, and that was true of the photos I took, too. While the softness of the raspberries could be a positive feature, the blackberries on mine just get lost in the shadows. This *might* have been fixed if I had slowed the shutter speed by even more, to get more light... (I had the ap and iso to maximum already, and was trying to use a thick cookbook set vertically to stabilize the camera for a slow shutter. Have I mentioned how dark my apartment is?). But I was impatient to go make my juice, so I didn't take the time to upload the pics to the computer first to see them in detail.

So I can see why you might want to use the flash if sharpness is more important than natural color shades, but prefer not to use it in other situations.

Oh, and I also learned that I need to remember to use the light sensor, or else I end up with really dark photos.

*God's timing, I tend to think... proof that he wants me to be doing this 30-Day Challenge. We'll see if He favors it enough to provide a "sunflare" on day 23 and a sunset on day 12.

Day 6: From a Low Angle

2012-01-05T20:38:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

Kyrie and I both learned that the "backlight" mode does, in fact, produce better results when there is a lamp right next to your tree than the auto mode does. I'm not sure how they did this. The image files record the same aperture and shutter speed, so I can only guess that "backlight" mode lowers the iso.

I learned that I did not have the time to do a lot of playing around with settings to get the perfect shot, when my inner voice was screaming, "GET YOUR BABY OFF THE TABLE BEFORE SHE FALLS!". (Although I did have Kyrie standing by on the side, as I laid on the floor to get this shot of her "stairway"... bathroom stool which she strategically places next to the bench, which serves as a seat for the dining table.)

I'm not quite sure Kyrie gets the "point" of a low-angle or high-angle shot. She kept wanting everything centered normally on the camera. Whereas I think of low and high angle shots as including the funny proportions you get with extreme perspectives (like a child who is probably 2.5 times as big as a stool looking like she could fit inside it).

Day 5: From a High Angle

2012-01-04T19:54:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

ap: f2.8

ss: 1/125

iso: 800

I learned that 800 iso is not enough light for a flash-less shot in my living room, even with the aperture wide open and the shutter set as slow as I can get it without the kids blurring.

1600 iso looked very grainy on the camera's instant view... interestingly enough, it doesn't look that grainy when uploaded to my computer. There was one other shot where it looked grainy on the instant view ("instant view" is what I'm calling it when the camera automatically shows you the shot you just took for a couple seconds), but then when the instant view disappeared and I hit the "review" button to look at the shot longer, it no longer looked grainy. So I guess I have to take those instant-views with a grain of salt, as it were. (Pun not intended? Pun intended? I'm not sure. Live with it.)

However, in this shot I learned that I can also solve the "not enough light" problem by following my toddler as she wanders into the only spot in the apartment with natural light (right next to the sliding glass door in the kitchen), and then repeatedly shooing her back there and bribing her with a broom until I get a good shot.

Day 4: Something Green

2012-01-03T21:33:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

Kyrie's first picture was literally just grass. I was pleased when she instead decided to try shots of this bracelet, which she conveniently got as a present from the neighbor today (Thanks, Sara!). And she took a whole bunch of shots against various backgrounds and with various other "props" involved. She took many of the shots about 2 inches from the bracelet, so I'm kind of impressed that any of them focused; usually the camera has extreme trouble that close-up.

Hmm, let's see. I learned a ton from reading my cousin's post today about re-learning her new camera (and the comments and the links in the comments). So much so that... my shot today was shot in manual! Yay me!

SS: f3.6

Ap: 1/800

(My camera doesn't store the iso, but it was probably 200)

The most useful thing that I learned from those links (that I didn't already know) was that my camera has a light meter, and that I can use it to help pick shutter and aperture settings. I already had some idea of under what conditions I might want a low or high shutter speed, or a low or high aperture. But I couldn't figure out what to do with the remaining settings once I had the one I wanted. One of the links explained that you should generally try to aim your light meter to 0.0, plus-or-minus some depending on personal preference. Once I found the light meter (it was one of the few things left I hadn't figured out in manual mode, and it ranges from about -4.0 to +4.0), I could really start figuring out my settings much better.

The links also had some useful recommendations for a starting place with the iso's. Basically 100 for outdoor daylight and 800 for indoors (maybe 200-400 if it's especially well-lit, which my place is decidedly not). I used 200 for most of the shots I took outside today because it was completely overcast.

Despite all that I learned, I still had to use the flash to get the branch to be green. No amount of raising the iso could get as good of a shot. Instead, it just turned the sky bright white. Changing the other settings didn't help. The basic problem was that the sky was a lot brighter than the branch, so the only way to make it not look dark against a light background was to shine more light on it, through the flash. (Although now I am suddenly remembering one of the "scene" mode settings is for "backlit" things, and I wish I had thought to try that; it's too dark now.) The best shot that I got without the flash showed an almost-white-but-still-slightly-blue sky with a very-dark-but-you-can-just-barely-tell-it's-green branch. And that shot just couldn't match the green and the moody sky in this one.

Through my own experimentation, I learned that the fourth setting in my camera's manual mode - the one that isn't shutter speed, aperture, or iso... is for how bright the flash is.

Let's see, what else did I learn. I learned that when I point the camera at the row of Douglas-firs behind our apartments, the lowest possible aperture setting (the widest open) is f2.8, but when I point the camera at the branch in the picture (with lots and lots of sky behind it), the 2.8 setting disappears and the lowest f-stop I can hit is f3.6. I have no idea why this is. Frankly, it seems a little bit insane for the camera to suddenly decide it won't let me change the aperture lower even if I want to. But there you go. Maybe it's trying to protect itself from being damaged by too much light? Maybe if I had changed the iso lower and the shutter speed faster, it would have allowed the 2.8 again? Is it even possible for a camera to be damaged by too much light? I'm thinking not on a cloudy, overcast day, at the very least. It's not even like I was pointing it at the sun or something.... that comes later in the challenge. :/

Well, that was a lot of learning about cameras for one day. What I'd still like to learn more about is how to take good ultra close-up photos, and I think I'll need some practice with the long-exposures and night shots.

Day 3: Clouds

2012-01-02T14:36:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

I learned that landscape mode produces very marginally better photos of clouds than the auto setting does. I might only be imagining the difference between them, though; they are very close. For some reason, the evergreens came out very dark in all the photos I tried to take of them, even though they were green to my eyes. There was just one exception, and it may have been the flash that made the difference that time. (Maybe I should try it in manual mode with higher iso? If I ever figure out the other manual-mode settings.) I also learned that boring clouds make boring pictures. I had to find the areas where the clouds had some sort of edge or boundary, where one cloud transitioned into another. Otherwise I just ended up with a blank expanse of gray as a photo.

Day 2: What You Wore Today

2012-01-01T16:41:00.000-08:00

In the 30 Day Photo Challenge series ...

Kyrie

Anna

Technically, I took Kyrie's picture for her, partly because she's still having trouble getting things lined up right when using the 10-second delay, but mostly because she wanted the side/tall shot of herself, in order to minimize there being a lot of stuff on the side in her shot, and the camera doesn't lie flat on its side in order for her to be able to set it down and aim for the delay shot. I am impressed by her thinking through what looks good in a shot and trying to frame the subject material accordingly. She made sure her hair was brushed; she did those braids herself; she tried out a shot with a more cluttered background and then picked this one instead.

I was pleased that the idea came to me of folding my clothes up, because I admit I was afraid that any sort of full shot of "what I wore today" would only serve to emphasize how, um, large I am. It's difficult to make a cute shot out of just clothes. It might have been better if I'd worn them, as Kyrie did, but let's face it, I'm not as cute as my daughter anyhow. As for learning anything, I think I learned that the "flower" mode, "for use in close-up conditions under bright light", does not produce good results on close-ups in my somewhat dim bedroom. The standard auto mode produced better results than that. If there is a setting that does well with close-ups in dim conditions, I don't know what it is.

Day 1: Self-Portrait

2011-12-31T18:41:00.000-08:00

For the 30 Day Photography Challenge series...

Kyrie

Anna

Kyrie learned how to turn the camera to "portrait" mode and how to set the 10-second timer. I learned that from the desk to the wall was too far for the camera to get a good focus in portrait mode. And I learned that I need to find a more systematic way to experiment with aperture, shutter, iso, etc. settings, because all such attempts produced failures.

There is definite room for improvement here: that blemish on the wall behind me, my fat arm in the foreground, my possibly-overdone smile, and my acne. We'll find out if I learn enough in the next 30 days to produce significantly better results.

30 Day Photo Challenge!

2011-12-31T16:03:00.000-08:00

Through my cousin, I came across this 30 Day Photo Challenge.

To make a long story short, I'm going to do this. And Kyrie's going to do it with me.

A less-abbreviated version of this story is that God told me to be teachable, and then I came across a conversation online about how much blogs need stunning visuals, "eye candy". After some web research, I decided that I will probably eventually need a better camera to take the best possible photos, but for now I really just need to learn how to use the features on the camera I've got. When my cousin posted about the 30-day challenge, I knew that was exactly the kind of thing I needed.

And then Kyrie asked if she could do it with me. And pointed out that if we started today, we would do the last one on her birthday. I was planning to start tomorrow, but I can't resist that logic. And it would be good for her to learn how to take good pictures along with me, I think.

Update: I am adding links to all 30 days, to have them all in one place.

And here is my amateur's How-To for a Camera's Manual Mode that summarizes what I learned.

Day 1: Self-Portrait
Day 2: What You Wore Today
Day 3:Clouds
Day 4: Something Green
Day 5: From a High Angle
Day 6: From a Low Angle
Day 7: Fruit
Day 8: A Bad Habit
Day 9: Someone You Love
Day 10: Childhood Memory
Day 11: Something Blue
Day 12: Sunset
Day 13: Yourself With 13 Things
Day 14: Eyes
Day 15: Silhouette
Day 16: Long Exposure
Day 17: Technology
Day 18: Your Shoes
Day 19: Something Orange
Day 20: Bokeh
Day 21: Faceless Self-Portrait
Day 22: Hands
Day 23: Sunflare
Day 24: Animal
Day 25: Something Pink
Day 26: Close-Up
Day 27: From a Distance
Day 28: Flowers
Day 29: Black & White
Day 30: Self-Portrait

PicVids - Nov/Dec 2011, Part 2

2011-12-30T18:04:00.000-08:00

You have no idea how amused I am by the fact that I found, not just all three on the same bunk, but Gabe sleeping ON Kyrie.

Umm.. right. So "Nov/Dec" includes Oct 31st, i.e. Halloween. She's adorable, yes? Ignore the not-so-clean floor in the background. If I owned Photoshop and knew how to use it, I might be able to fix that. I don't and I don't, so you'll just have to deal. For now.

Savi really does have a costume on. There are wings on her back, I believe. Gabe actually has TWO costumes on... his batman pajamas underneath his pirate top. Go figure.

Classic Elijah pose.

Three visible pages, two workbooks... that's right, Kyrie and Elijah are both working on their workbooks so close to each other that hers is layered on top of his. I thought it was adorable, so I took a photo instead of telling them to go do their work at the table like rational people.

This wigged-out face makes me laugh every time...

... especially since it's immediately followed by this "I can't hold still anymore, Mom" shot...

... and then by this "You're so FUNNY, Mom!" shot ...

The Cobra Hand of Death is ready to strike the book in retaliation for its evil ways. Like not turning its own pages. Or something.

Gabe isn't writing on anything. He just wanted to be in the picture.

My head may explode from the cuteness of this shot. Baby on the left is Julie's friend Evelyn.

See, I would have used this shot, but again I must bemoan my lack of Photoshop skills and Photoshop owning, to get rid of that bruise on Julie's cheek. Photoshop can do that kind of thing, right?

The Twins (Kyrie's best friends) gave her this pair of glass-less play glasses. Which may have been a bit of prep, as it were, because it has become very clear that she is in need of real glasses, pronto. And by "pronto", I mean, "whenever I get around to calling the ophthalmologist and scheduling a visit", which I resolved to do "after the holidays". So it might be a bit before a set of glasses actually makes it to her. Hopefully the real glasses will last longer than these plastic frames, which are already broken.

I put this one up on the "About Me" page - and that last one with Kyrie in the glasses, too - but they will probably be replaced whenever I get a better one. But I love his little smile here.

Have I mentioned how much Julie likes writing in things? Books, other people's notepads, books...

Ah, the funny positions she will read in.

The REALLY funny positions she will decide to read in. AHAHAHA.

Even Julie joined in with Movie Time.

I had a brain fart, apparently, or else this photo would have made it into the "Christmas video" down below.

So would this one have. She LOVES toy phones, and this one was her favorite present, as far as I can tell.

One more little treat...

I had previously ignored this little program on my Mac called "iMovie". For some unfathomable-to-me reason, I opened it up recently and tried to figure out how it worked. Without much success, I might add. I sort of vaguely picked up on the idea that you could use it to edit videos or something, but that was about it.

But then I put up all those videos of Julie in my last post and belatedly thought to myself that they would have made a good montage.

And then I was sitting here looking at a bunch of photos and videos from Christmas, most of which did not seem worth putting up on my blog. You know the kind... there's maybe 4 seconds of cuteness in a 50-second video that otherwise has background crying or something. And I thought to myself... "Hey! I'll try out this iMovie thing for making a Christmas montage." I will definitely be keeping this option in mind for future videos. Maybe instead of doing photobooks for my kids' godparents (as I was thinking of doing), I should just mail them a disk with a video montage on it.

Behold the results:

Seriously, let me know what you think of how I did the montage. I would definitely appreciate feedback on this.

PicVids - Nov/Dec 2011, Part 1

2011-12-27T17:27:00.000-08:00

Since I never got around to posting PicVids for November, I have a lot of them, so I'll be breaking them up into several posts. Here are the videos.

My brother Greg and his girlfriend Lydia have moved to Oregon, which I'm super happy about. This is him reading to the kids. Sometimes I think his sense of humor most takes after my dad.

A cute shot of Savi making Julie laugh.

One-year-olds. What can I say?

A vacuum that's so easy a one-year-old can do it... SwivelSwifferJet should totally pay me to use this video in a commercial... after photoshopping the stains out of the carpet, of course.

There's a website somewhere called "Cute Things Falling Asleep". This would make a good submission, except she got up and ran around for another couple hours after this without ever actually falling all the way asleep.

Such cuteness. I could almost apologize that all my videos seem to be of Julie, but there you go. She's 1. It's an excessively cute time of her life.

Ooh, here's one that's not of Jules. This is a song that Savi made up about Christmas and sang to me. I was highly amused by how often she mentioned "snow", considering that we haven't had any.

Dance, dance, wherever you may be.

Joan's Fudge

2011-12-23T16:46:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about doing a new series of posts, covering my favorite recipes. Consider this the first of the batch, perfect for Christmas.

I found this recipe when I was clearing out some old files to make room for the Christmas tree. When I made it this month, it did not quite live up to my childhood memories of it being the greatest food that had ever been invented and ever could be invented, but it was still... oh so good.

These are the ingredients.

Two bags of chocolate chips ("never generic", the recipe says, although I haven't tested that yet and doubt I would be able to tell the difference)
One bag of butterscotch chips
One bag of Reese's peanut butter chips

① Melt them, stirring constantly.

② Add 1-2 cups, stir till totally melted.

"Add 1-2 cups of what?", I thought. There's no other ingredients. I finally decided that I was supposed to put all the chips in a bowl together and melt a cup or two of chips at a time, instead of melting all of them at once. So that's what I did. But next time I might try melting all of them at once, just to see what happens.

③ Pour into molds. (Add nuts if desired).

I made mine without nuts this time. But I remember very much liking both varieties. As for molds, a cake pan works just fine, and then you can cut it into squares later. I did both that and a muffin tin.

I'm not sure if the fudge was quite as melted as it was supposed to be, since it was still pretty thick when I poured it into molds. The ones on the left in the picture below are what they looked like right after I poured them. The ones on the right are what they look like after I shake the pan a bit to settle them.

④ Let harden (freezer, fridge, or back porch).

Ahahahaha. Yes, an uninsulated back porch in a Minnesota winter will get things very cold.

⑤ Eat and enjoy!

In case you are curious, this is how easy it was to pop the fudge out of the muffin tins, after it hardened.

^{1. Growing up, my family always had a couple young adults living with us; it was part of a "community" thing. Joan was one of these young adults. She lived with us for 7 years (longer than any of the others), so she was a big part of my life growing up.

2. Oh, and for the record, Ken insists that this is not real fudge. He says it is more like a really good candy bar. I don't particularly think it makes a difference, but there you go.}

The Making of a Financial System

2011-12-20T19:30:00.000-08:00

One day a bit ago, I suddenly found myself compelled to make my budget spreadsheet more user-friendly.

It was pretty odd. I would not have said it particularly felt like God was telling me to. I would normally have written the thought off as a waste of time; no one else is going to look at my budget spreadsheet, so why make it easy for someone else to use? But I just had a need to do it. So I went through and deleted a bunch of extraneous calculations, organized the info into color-coded tables, and put labels on various things to show what they were about.

Fast forward a couple months.

Remember when I said I had been glancing through the websites of the guy who came up with the No-S Diet and Urban Ranger? (His name is Reinhard). Well I came across a post on the forums in which someone bemoaned the difficult reporting and tracking that was required to stick to most budget plans. It was an old post, but there weren't a lot people jumping in to offer simpler ways of doing things.

Aha! I thought. Perhaps I should share our system.

So I made a generic version of my budget spreadsheet, tweaked it a bit more, and made two other versions for people who have different pay schedules. I was almost, but not quite, done with the spreadsheets and ready to put a post on the forum about this system. But a lot has been going on, and I hadn't found time to work on them lately.

Then I woke up Sunday morning from a dream.

I don't even remember what the dream was anymore. All I remember was that there was some guy who did a bunch of things or had a bunch of things, and I was impressed by how practical all those things were. As I was waking up, I was thinking what was that about?, and then it struck me that it was just like Reinhard and his "everyday systems". And I just knew that God was telling me to finish setting up the financial system that day.

Then, in case I might have doubted whether God was speaking to me through my dream, my Scripture reading for the morning involved the beginning of Matthew, where Joseph has multiple dreams with God telling him what to do. So that was what I spent most of Sunday doing.

If you're interested, read all about Only Spend What You Got.

(Those of you who read Conversion Diary may be interested to know that I originally got the basic idea for this financial system from Jen's #6 Take here.)

Urban Ranger

2011-12-16T22:34:00.000-08:00

The Idea of Urban Rangering

So, some bit ago, I was looking through the website of the guy who came up with the No-S diet¹. (I would like to point out, for the record, that he has a number of great systems.)

Every time I came across the Urban Ranger site, I went "oooh".

The basic idea of the Urban Ranger is that you walk everywhere that's within walking distance, instead of driving. I've come across the site before, and loved the idea of it then, too, but frankly I like a lot of ideas without being actually inspired to do them, for reasons of practicality or sloth. This time, though, I found myself going back to the page over and over again, and each time there was that subtle underlying push from God, as if he's telling me "pay attention to this". So I started thinking about it a little. The author recommends walking, "Anywhere you need to go that you can walk to in (say) under an hour", and I discovered that Google Maps' walking estimator thinks that my usual errands - the grocery store, the bank, Kmart, and the library - are all within an hour's walk from my apartment. Heck, even the Learning Palace where I occasionally go to pick up homeschool materials clocked in under an hour.

The First Urban Rangering Excursions

Driving back from Seattle after Thanksgiving, a rock hit the van windshield and started a crack, which grew to be some 6 inches long by the time we got home. I called and got quotes, yada yada. When I called the place to schedule a new window to be put in, they informed me I needed to drop the van off for some 5 hours or more, for it to set. Since I'd been planning to take the kids with me, that was an issue. They definitely weren't going to behave in a waiting room for that long.

The thought persistently cropped into my mind that this would force me to do some Urban Rangering.

So I did it.

I borrowed a double stroller from a friend², made sure the kids had winter jackets, packed snacks and drinks, and we headed off on our grand adventure.

And it was fun.

Here's a list of some of the interesting places we saw or visited:

a "bakery" that doesn't bake anything (they just sell regular store-type bread, Hostess products, and the like);
a pleasant little coffee shop that I never knew was there;
a craft store that we decided not to take the double stroller into, after seeing a sign proclaiming that all bags must be left at the front;
a library with a much expanded kid's section compared to the library we normally go to, and with a baby room open on Friday mornings;
a bagel place that we are definitely going back to;
a city park that was two or three stories deeper into the ground than the surrounding streets;
a skate park with a LOT of teenage boys hanging out;
a little shop that re-upholsters furniture (good to know!); and
a place that sells racing motorcycles. Not just regular motorcycles. Sports motorcycles.³

All in all, we walked a little over 3 miles, round trip.

The next day, we went Urban Rangering again.

This time I needed laundry money, and I finally admitted to myself that there wasn't going to be any better time to get it. We hit the bank, the library, and a corner market on the way home, for milk. It was pure awesome to walk out of the library with three kids reading while they walked.

2.4 miles this time, and the kids did an awesome job of it. Complaining was not an issue; for the most part, they seemed to be enjoying themselves. I was quite impressed.

Now I just need to invest in galoshes, rain coats, and a double stroller of my own, so we can make a habit of it.

^{1. Around the time I wrote about not indulging on Sundays.

2. Technically, I have a double stroller of my own. It's been cluttering up our front porch area for some time. But, well... I didn't want to put the kids in something that I couldn't be sure didn't have mold or mildew growing in the cloth. That thing is ready for the trash, I'm thinking.

3. At least, I think "sports" was the word they used. I can't remember for sure, and I'm not really confident on the racing part either, because I know nothing about motorcycles except the name Harley Davidson. But there was some word, and it probably began with 's', and it was clear it was not just ordinary motorcycles.}

Not Everything Needs To Be Done Every Day

2011-12-13T17:30:00.000-08:00

In my apparently never-ending attempts to get my little apartment clean and uncluttered, I happened to go through large stacks of papers dating back even into my teenage years, I think.

(I mean, really. Hundreds of pages of various notes... why was I hanging on to them? There might have been two in there that I thought worth copying into Evernote. But that's not the point of this post.)

As I was going through all these papers, I found that three-quarters¹ of them were either lists of things that I thought I should do every day, or else a schedule in which I tried to set aside time for all of those things. Exercise, prayer, and reading to the kids - for example - would show up on list after list, schedule after schedule.

Not a single one of those schedules ever worked for me².

Not ever.

I might keep them up for as long as two weeks - most were lucky to last two days. They were, in general, hopelessly unrealistic, expecting me to accomplish things in a phenomenally short time so that I could fit everything into a day. Even when I was deliberately trying to "go easy" on myself, I never succeeded.

So for the next few days, I pondered why I kept making schedules that didn't work. This was ... relevant ... since I was also trying to figure out what sort of schedule I should have - if any - for homeschool. I think the turning point in my understanding came when I was looking at the Mother of Divine Grace curriculum. Out of curiosity, I took their 2nd grade syllabus and sketched out what their daily schedule (for the first week at least) looked like.

I can't believe Mother of Divine Grace only has one day of "reading".

Eventually it percolated through my head that they only did history once a week.

Now, art and music are popular candidates for "less often" subjects³, and many curriculums will do history only two or three times a week. But MODG is a curriculum that aspires to excellence, and history is a significant portion of it. And yet, they do history only once a week.

Not everything needs to be done every day.

She does still need to nap every day, although she seems to want to think otherwise.

I'm finally realizing how much that thought - that everything important needs to be done every day (maybe with a few rare exceptions) - had permeated my thinking. When Ken got a beautiful copy of the Catechism for his RCIA class, I picked it up and started reading it. I got so excited, I immediately wanted to vow to read it every day. I've been reading through the gospel of Luke, and - inspired by Frank Sheed's book To Know Christ Jesus - I decided that next I would do a comparative reading of all four gospels at the same time, and I was so eager to do that, I almost didn't finish reading the end of Luke first.

Not everything needs to be done every day.

I'm trying to exercise in the mornings - 14 minutes of anything, which means for me, mostly dancing. But some mornings I don't have even 14 minutes, because I have to spend that time brushing the girls' hair out, or because the living room floor is too messy to dance on, or because I'm still a shuffling zombie. Exercising is not one of those things, at this time in my life, that needs to happen every day.

I think I'm reading to the kids once or twice a month lately. We are very ... very ... slowly ... working our way through The Rats of NIMH. But we actually finished The Secret Garden. And it finally occurred to me that one of my treasured childhood memories was Dad reading us the book The Phantom Tollbooth; it's the only book I remember him ever reading us once we were old enough to read ourselves, so why was I freaking out over not reading to the kids every day?

Some things DO need to be done every day. Dishes, pretty much, although there have been times in my life where I didn't. I think some sort of prayer, too, needs to be done every day or nearly so.

But... not everything needs to be done every day.

Not everything important needs to be done every day.

Painting is more like a once-a-year activity for us.

^{1. Have you heard that 90% of figures on the internet (and in conversation) are completely made up? Including that one? Yes, well, I did make up the 3/4 figure, since I obviously wasn't keeping some sort of tally going as I sorted my papers, to get the exact percentage of how many of them were schedules. But it was a lot.

2. Which is why there were so many of them, haha.

3. I have noticed that language people insist that poetry needs to be done every day, and musicians insist that music should be done every day. I assume artists would insist that art should be done every day, and historians history, and mathematicians math. I've decided that I am competent to set my own priorities.}

Donating Clothes to the Poor

2011-11-30T21:33:00.000-08:00

I bet none of you remember anymore that, way back in July, I mentioned I had bags of kids' clothes that I had decluttered after feeling like God wanted me to give things away to the poor.

Well, they sat in my bedroom for months as I tried to finish getting them all cleaned and sorted. A dozen times during that period, I thought to myself that I should just dump them off at the local thrift store when the clothes were all ready. It's what I usually do when I want to give stuff away. But somehow that didn't feel right; God had told me to give things away to the poor, not hand them over to someone who would sell them (albeit at a cheap price).

Then, some months ago, a trio of women gave a presentation to my prayer group about different aspects of the Right to Life movement in Portland, such as the 40 Days for Life campaign. Because of that presentation, I ended up getting the name and address of a local crisis pregnancy center.

I was thrilled.

The pro-life movement lies very close to my heart; I am often pained at the thought of all the abortions that happen. There is little I can do about it, though, beyond simply raising my own children. To have this chance, this opportunity, to actually help women (and babies) who would otherwise be at risk for an abortion, even if just by donating used kids' clothes, gives me great joy.

^{Which didn't stop me from taking forever to actually get the clothes to them. It was only yesterday that I finally delivered the clothes, and the only reason I finally got around to it was that the light in my bedroom went out, and I didn't want my neat-freak landlord to see the bedroom that messy, and the only other place to put the clothes was in the van. And then the kids had a dentist appointment in the general vicinity of the center, so it was reasonably convenient to just drop them off.}

On Not Indulging on Sundays

2011-11-22T22:00:00.000-08:00

I realized lately that I've been on the No-S diet for something close to a year.

It's simple: No Sweets, No Snacks, No Seconds, except on Saturdays, Sundays, and Special days.

I haven't lost any weight at all.

This may have something to do with the fact that I still eat too much on the weekends. So I was thinking and praying about that on Sunday morning. And after asking God for help figuring out what to do about it, I opened the Bible randomly. (I think it was Luke 6).

I came first across a verse about level ground, and it instantly struck me that God was telling me to make my week level, to make my weekends the same as the weekdays.

I kept reading, and came across "Fortunate are the hungry." Call it confirmation.

Sunday is supposed to be a feast day, and one of the objections in the back of my mind was that "fasting" from sweets and such would violate the spirit of the Sabbath rest. Then I glanced over at the adjoining, previous page, where Jesus heals a man on the Sabbath. "I am the Lord of the Sabbath", he says, "Is it lawful to do good or do harm on the Sabbath? To save life or destroy it?"

Temperance is a virtue. Being temperate is doing good; eating healthier by not over-indulging is like saving my life. In this way God made it clear to me that this was what he wanted me to do.

I had a lot of doubts during that day - Was I really to never eat sweets again? Should I wait until I'm more clear on the details before denying myself the sweets I so desperately want? - but I stuck with it, for this Sunday at least.

At the end of the day, while praying, I felt as if God was pleased with me, and it seemed to me that he told me that because I had obeyed him, he would heal me. I think He meant heal me of my intemperance, but frankly, I'm not 100% sure.

(In the interest of full disclosure, since then, I've been thinking that God is guiding me towards some new rules, like maybe two sweets per week, or something.)

The Infinite Suppleness of Prudence

2011-11-18T18:13:00.000-08:00

I mentioned once, in passing, that God had told me to read this book.

The Four Cardinal Virtues, by Josef Pieper

Now I'd like to share one particularly helpful insight that I got out of it.

Pieper speaks of the limited usefulness of casuistry - the laying out of morality in particular examples - and then, in speaking of its limitations, he quotes [my bold emphasis]:

"Casuistry, on the contrary, carried to excess, substitutes techniques and prescriptions for the infinite suppleness which the virtue of prudence must retain in the face of the complexities of the ethical life," as we read in a French commentary to the Summa Theologica.

Now, in all honesty, it took me most of the first section before I finally figured out that the classical notion of "prudence" means something like "knowing the right thing to do in a given situation". So Pieper¹ is saying that life is infinitely complex, and therefore any set of rules you come up with about how to behave - no matter how complicated - will necessarily be an over-simplification of reality.

Prudence is infinitely supple.

So then I happened to be driving one day.

I pulled to a stop in a left-turn lane behind another car. Waiting for the signal to turn, I started wondering if I should pull up a little. This sent me into a spiral of thoughts that looked something like this...

There's all those times where the cars from the turn-lane stretch back so far they block the driving lane; clearly in those cases it would be helpful if all the cars pulled forward as much as they can, so no one gets blocked - but you can't pull too far forward or you risk hitting the car ahead of you, of course. And if someone comes too fast from behind and rear-ends you, then you want to have more space between you and the car ahead so that you don't hit them. And if you had a whole line of cars who had pulled forward in the turn-lane so as not to block the other lanes, and someone came along too fast, you could get the whole line of cars hitting each other. If you can see behind you that the cars are not blocking the other lane, then it's ok to stay back. But a lot of time you can't see around the cars well enough to know if they're blocking or not. So you have to guess. Or if God tells you to pull forward or stay back, you could go with that - if you can figure out whether he's really telling you something or not. Maybe you should just figure that it's better to play it on the safe side and stay back, and accept lane-blocking as the price of safety. Or maybe you should just figure that it's better to pull forward, because it's a lot more likely that you'll end up blocking the lane than that someone behind you will rear-end you into the car ahead.

Eventually, the phrase filtered into my head... infinite suppleness.

I realized that my train of thought wasn't just impractical. It was impossible - even in theory - to work out what you should do in every single case. Because the variety of situations isn't just beyond my grasp, it's infinite. That's why we need prudence and God's guidance in the first place: so we know what to do right now even when we don't have, and couldn't possibly have, every single case figured out.

So I tossed out the whole fruitless line of thought, and a peaceful sense of freedom came over me.

It turns out, I do this kind of thing quite a lot, and "infinite suppleness" is becoming my new rallying cry.
^{1. And, apparently, some French commentator, as well as Thomas Aquinas.}

The Miracle of the Ipad - or Not?

2011-11-15T22:12:00.000-08:00

Let me just start by using this picture to make it clear that my kids' ipad has a very dirty screen. This is not part of the story, I'm just explaining why, on all the rest of the photos, you have to ignore all the fingerprints that show up on the ipad.

My brother Caleb, who bought the kids the ipad last Christmas, has wondered several times how long the ipad would last under the abuse of five little kids.

Can you see that through the fingerprints?

Well, mark it on your calendar Caleb - ten months.

This video clip might show the damage a little more clearly. There was a faint crack that I could feel, and it was clearly messing with the display. When it showed up like this, I could still access all of the apps, and they appeared to respond ok; I just couldn't always see what I was selecting. At least the internal computer did not appear to be damaged; just the display. Unfortunately, when the screen cracked on my Macbook Air earlier this year, and messed up in just this same way, the only way to fix it was to replace the whole screen - which I doubted was possible with the ipad, and if it was, probably cost more than buying a new one.

Some of the time, when I turned the ipad on, this was what I got instead. When this happened, I couldn't do anything with it except turn it back off.

And then, some of the time, I got this. A black screen with some slowly fading-in green lines. Again, completely un-usable this way.

Now, I was using the ipad to provide the musical accompaniment during the seven-week Life in the Spirit Seminar that my prayer group is putting on. If the ipad didn't work at all, that would really screw up what I thought God wanted us to be doing, musically speaking. My kids would also be very sad not to be able to play Angry Birds anymore.

So I started praying for God to fix the ipad. I had recently read a book on healing prayer that talks about "soaking prayer" - which basically means lots and lots of prayer, even for hours. And it seemed to me that God wanted me to do that with the ipad. I figured it might not be a bad idea to practice on an inanimate object before praying for people that way. So I prayed, and I prayed, and I prayed. Every now and then I would turn the ipad on again to see if it was fixed. It never was.

I tried not to get discouraged, and prayed some more on a later day. Again, no results.

It was really discouraging.

Since at least some of the time it was usable, even though difficult to see, I took it along with me to the next Life in the Spirit session. I got there early and plugged it in to charge while I helped set up. Plugging it in brought it out of sleep, and this is what I saw...

Pure crystal clearness.

This time with less reflection from the flash.

Praise God, I thought.

I'd been wanting a miracle. Something I could point to as an indisputable violation of the natural laws of physics, like Peter walking on water. It didn't have to be something that other people would believe was a miracle - just something that I would know was one.

And this was it.

This was my miracle.

Or so I thought.

Until I let the kids play with the ipad, and they came back telling me it was broken again.

Sure enough, it was making some of those lines again. It didn't seem quite as bad as before, but it was clearly not working right. And I thought I could feel the crack again, which I had not been able to find when everything was clear-looking. I didn't have time to deal with it right then, so I turned it off and stuck it on the charger and told the kids not to touch it.

Later, on impulse, I turned it back on for a moment and it came on crystal clear again.

Still, I was upset. As I did the dishes later that day, and had time to think about what had happened, I started to fume at God. Why would you take this away from me, God? Why offer the miracle in the first place if you don't mean it? It would have been better not to have fixed it in the first place! Why does it seem like every time I get my hopes in you up, you do something to dash them back down again? I know I'm supposed to trust you, but seriously, how is this not messed up?

Eventually I felt I should stop fuming, and I tried to let it go. My husband found out it was still a sensitive issue for me when he suggested that we ask Caleb if there's a warranty on the ipad, and I snapped at him. (Sorry, love!) I figure not to let the kids play with it, until the Life in the Spirit is over next week. After that, if they break it, well, such is life.

So I'm left not knowing what to think. On the one hand, I have pictures to prove that something happened. Electronics don't just spontaneously fix themselves, you know? And, as of right now, the ipad is working just fine. Perfectly clear. But I think I can still feel a crack, and I can't make myself believe that the ipad is going to last much past the end of the seminar. Maybe the lines came back as a warning from God that the fix isn't going to last - that the miracle is just temporary, as it were. God only knows.

But at least He does.

God Tells Me To Be Less Selfish With The Kids

2011-11-05T16:33:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday's readings could be called the "good leadership" readings. And God used them to make it clear to me all the ways in which I am NOT being a good mother to my children.

Part 1: Morning Prayer

Gabe and Julie and I all had a cold Sunday morning, so we weren't making it to Mass. Instead of our usual morning prayer at breakfast, plus reading the Mass readings to the kids, Ken had led them in grace. So I was figuring to take it easy and skip our usual Sunday morning prayer routine. I did, though, sit in the bedroom to read the readings for myself. You know, in peace and quiet. Without the kids around.

And now, O priests, this commandment is for you:
If you do not listen,
if you do not lay it to heart,
to give glory to my name, says the LORD of hosts,
I will send a curse upon you
[Malachi 1-2]

Umm, right God. Yes, I had chosen the path of less-glorifying-of-God's-name this morning, and he was not pleased with that. So I called in the kids, and we had a surprisingly fruitful session, in which I got the kids to think more about the prayers than usual and about the readings.

Then I went back to reading the readings for myself.

Part 2: Homeschooling

I don't know if it was last month's series of posts about homeschooling or what, but the idea had come to me to make a complete curriculum. As in, write a set of textbooks for each subject that would eventually be something I could publish and sell. Because, obviously, I can write the most excellent curriculum ever¹. I became slightly obsessed with this idea for a couple weeks, steadily ignoring the fact that (a) I was filled with grandiose visions, a sure sign that I'm not really being inspired; and (b) in all my research into what matters in education, it is consistently said that the teacher matters a lot more than the curriculum, and spending time writing curriculum would mean I would be spending less time with my own actual kids.

You have turned aside from the way, and have caused many to falter by your instruction;
[Malachi]

O LORD, my heart is not proud,
nor are my eyes haughty;
I busy not myself with great things,
nor with things too sublime for me.
R. In you, Lord, I have found my peace.
Nay rather, I have stilled and quieted
my soul like a weaned child.
Like a weaned child on its mother's lap,
so is my soul within me.
[Psalm 131]

All their works are performed to be seen. ...They love places of honor at banquets, seats of honor in synagogues, greetings in marketplaces, and the salutation 'Rabbi.'
[Matthew 23]

We were gentle among you, as a nursing mother cares for her children. With such affection for you, we were determined to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our very selves as well,
[1 Thess 2]

"With great affection"... that's exactly how I haven't been homeschooling; instead I've been pushing the kids away so I can do my own thing. Okie doke, Lord. I will quit all the grandiose plans to achieve the greatest curricula ever - which is mostly motivated by the desire for others to be impressed by me anyway - and instead focus on sharing more of my whole self with the kids.

I got these treasures at the used book store today, and plan to go back for more when I can find someplace to put them.

Part 3: Chores

You recall, brothers and sisters, our toil and drudgery. Working night and day in order not to burden any of you,
[1 Thess]

They tie up heavy burdens hard to carryand lay them on people's shoulders, but they will not lift a finger to move them.
[Matthew 23]

Yep, that's me again. I've been giving the kids more and more chores lately, which is fine. But once or twice the niggling thought crossed my mind that I was giving them more chores than I was really doing myself. So I'm going to re-focus on getting lots of cleaning done myself and help show them how their chores should be done. There's plenty for all of us!

^{1. In my defense, homeschooling curricula are rife with propaganda, which is a steady failure to pursue excellence.}

PicVids - October 2011

2011-11-03T18:27:00.000-07:00

Ken's birthday was this month.

Like father...

... like daughter.

He enjoyed his presents.

The kids got quite inventive with the pictures they drew for him.¹

I made a homemade cake. It was good, but a bit on the rich side. The kids preferred the ice cream.

I figured I'll do a candle per decade for anyone over the age of 18.

A good time was had by all.

We also spent time with friends.

Friends who do cool science experiments.

Friends who have cool lightsabers.

Much fun was had.

Even Julie enjoyed hanging out with the other babies.

^{1. Elijah hid 8 tiny pumpkins in his drawing that Ken had to find.}

Funny Things Kids Say

2011-10-28T12:56:00.000-07:00

I told the three older kids that they had to wash dishes one night, and I wanted Savi to rinse. A little bit later, Savi was in my bedroom sobbing inconsolably, saying that the dishes were all rinsed, and that the other two hadn't let her do any of her work. About a half hour later - when I had sent them all back to the kitchen because Kyrie reported that she was still doing dishes - Kyrie came in and said, "Elijah was looking out the window and he said "wow", and it's pretty, so I can use the camera to take a picture?" When I replied that she could, Savi came back in whining that there were only two dishes left, one for Kyrie and one for Elijah, and she still hadn't gotten to do any. So I told her to sneak back in while Kyrie was taking a picture and do one of those dishes. She left, quite happy with this idea.

This was the resulting photo.

Julie was in the kitchen annoying Elijah while he was trying to make his nightly chocolate milk. When no one responded to his requests to get Julie out of the kitchen, he finally said, "Fine, I'll save your life", and carried her out.

If I only could just get a little higher, I would need saving for real.

I just thought y'all would like to know that the Piggies don't like the taste of the grass anymore, and that's why they steal the Angry Bird's eggs (to eat). An early fan save on the part of Elijah?

In this house, babies can play Angry Birds while getting their diaper changed.

Savi: Mom, can I eat this carrot?
Me: Oh, it's lunchtime. Let's have lunch.
-after lunch-
Savi: Mom, can I have this carrot now?
Me: ...... Sure.

We prefer cookies and cake, please.

We discovered this playground less than two blocks from our apartment. There were three girls playing there this one day; two of them were sisters. The kids all got into a game that involved covering your eyes and getting people out.

So, Little Sister was the one who was supposed to cover her eyes, and it turned out that Big Sister won. Other Girl piped up with, "You cheated! You just wanted your sister to win!"

I had to laugh when Little Sister's response was, "Well, she's my sister."

I think this sister wants to be put down.

Savi: "This apple tastes like pear".

Why are you looking at me like that? Savi said it, not me.

Mom: "Elijah, when was Jesus born?"
Elijah: "Umm. Maybe.... 1984?"

That was WAY before I was born, Mom, and video games are so much more interesting.

Savi: "I used to be Grandpa's little angel, but I'm not anymore." ¹

I'm Daddy's little angel, though.

I was driving home from my friend's house and Savi informed me (almost tearfully) that she had left her jacket behind; she said that she had dropped it somewhere and she didn't have it now. I decided not to go back for it, since I'd be seeing that friend again soon. Then Savi said, "Oh, I didn't realize I hadn't zipped it up." Turns out, she was wearing the jacket. She just hadn't noticed because, as she said, she hadn't zipped it.

Your jacket hides better than you do, sweetie.

^{1. She was referring to the "Grandpa's Little Angel" sweatshirt that she used to wear when she was little, but now gets worn by Julie.}

Why Homeschooling Is So Exciting For Me Right Now: Summary

2011-10-25T23:01:00.000-07:00

"[C]hildren learn by example. Most importantly home-school teachers must serve, through their own behavior regarding their own work, as good examples for their students."-[Source]

Here are links to each part of my "Why Homeschooling is So Exciting For Me Right Now" series:

Part 1: Fiction
Part 2: Nature Journal
Part 3: Spanish
Part 4: Art
Part 5: Living Books

I picked that quote at the top because with each of these things, I'm doing something myself and the kids are following my example. And it turns out to be an awesome way to teach; being creative makes my life that much richer.

For your enjoyment, I present the following story that Kyrie wrote (her original spelling). She recently got as entranced with the Encyclopedia Brown stories as I was when I was a kid. So when she was resisting writing a story, I suggested she write an Encyclopedia Brown story. And she did. Ken and I were both very impressed.

**********************************
A girl came into Encyclopedia's garage and put a coin into the coin holder. Encyclopedia looked up from the book he was reading and said "How can I help you today?" The girl said "My name is Katie and I need you to help find a watch." "OK" said Encyclopedia "let's go find your watch" Katie led him to the place where she lost had it. (Witch was a park.) Encyclopedia asked "Was eneybody here when the watch was stolen?" "Yes, but the boy left all ready. Only me and him where in the park" said Katie "Oh, and the watch was mine. I left it on this bench because I wanted to go on the monkey-bars. Mother gave it to me yesterday. So mother was afraid of it coming loos and fall of and get lost, so she made me take it off before I go on the monkey bars Get it?" "Yes" said Encyclopedia "And what was his name?" "He said his name was Charlie. Oh and I know where he lives. Any more qustion?" "Yes, what does the watch look like?" asked Encyclopedia. Katie said "The strapes are purple and the short hand in the clock part is red, long hand is blue, and that third hand is golden. Is that all you want to know?" "Yes." said Katie who was wanting her watch back more than ever. When they arrived, they found Charlie in the garden (his garden, wich was next to the house). He seemed to be digging a hole and now put somthing purple into it and started to cover it up. "What do you want here?" asked Charlie. Encyclopedia said "We are looking for a watch. Do you mind digging it up and reterning it?"

"How did Encyclopedia know Charlie took the watch?"
(turn to the next page
For the answer.)

[And then Kyrie wrote on the next page...]

Encyclopedia had seen Charlie put the watch into the hole he had just finish digging. Charlie dug up the watch he had just buried and reterend it to Katie.

Why Homeschooling Is So Exciting For Me Right Now, Part 5: Living Books

2011-10-21T23:13:00.000-07:00

"[C]hildren learn by example. Most importantly home-school teachers must serve, through their own behavior regarding their own work, as good examples for their students."-[Source]

When I started homeschooling this year, I felt drawn to the Living Books Curriculum. Each week I get - from the library - one of these books for each of the kids to read.

Savi's book this week.

I got so fascinated by the first set of books that I read them too. They were so awesome that I've kept reading these children's books each week.

Kyrie's book this week¹.

I've learned more about the Lewis and Clark expedition than I ever knew. I've discovered that Disney's version of Pinocchio is not too far off from the original in overall moral tone, while Disney's The Jungle Book manages to achieve about as opposite of an approach as possible from Kipling's noble book. I've felt sorry for the wife of Daniel Boone and wondered what happened to Elizabeth Crockett after the Alamo. I've admired Johnny Appleseed and admired Nathaniel Bowditch even more. I've wondered if Henry Longfellow has something against faith, but still had to struggle not to cry in front of Kyrie when discussing The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere, it was that good.

Elijah's book this week.

It gives me a real appreciation for the term "living book". These books come alive in your hands, grabbing your heart up and taking it to places new and exciting, places you didn't even know were there to be discovered.

This is a book that God made it clear I should read.

And it gives me a better appreciation for my own adult reading, as well. Good quality books offer a richness and depth to my life that is otherwise lacking.

^{1. The LBC book on Crockett wasn't available from the library, so I substituted this. Some of the substitutions that I've made did not turn out to be particularly impressive books, but I liked this one.}

Why Homeschooling Is So Exciting For Me Right Now, Part 4: Art

2011-10-18T22:10:00.000-07:00

"[C]hildren learn by example. Most importantly home-school teachers must serve, through their own behavior regarding their own work, as good examples for their students."-[Source]

I had art classes in high school that thoroughly engrained in me that pretty much everyone, myself included, can learn to draw decently. Maybe not as exceptionally as those with a gift for it, but still well. Since I have not practiced, however, I have lost all those skills I once had.

Kyrie, who appears to have some talent at drawing, received several art books that I have been using for her art curriculum. One of them comes with a DVD and introduces the kind of serious art techniques that I learned in high school. I decided it would be a good thing for me to re-learn along with her. So I bought myself a sketch book, and started practicing along with the DVD.

Did I mention how much I like journals? That applies to sketch books too.

Then one day as I was doing my regular Scripture reading, I happened to be at the passage where Jesus enters Jerusalem riding on a donkey. As I read this familiar passage, one verse stuck out that I do not remember noticing before.

Picture the scene for a moment. Jesus has just told two of his disciples to go into the town ahead of them and bring him the donkey colt they would find there. They do, indeed, find a donkey colt. When they start untying it, the owners naturally object. The disciples give the explanation that Jesus instructed them to give - "The Master needs it." - and the owners, for whatever unfathomable reason, accept that.

"Then they led the animal to Jesus, and laying their cloaks on it, helped him mount."[Luke 19:35]

All sorts of things are going through my mind at this point - Why did they lay their cloaks on the donkey? Was it dirty? Do cloaks make it easier to ride without a saddle? Were the owners already fans of Jesus? Did they know who the disciples meant by "Master"? - and so on. But one part in particular arrested me.

The disciples helped him mount.

What does it look like for the disciples to help Jesus mount? Why did they help him? Could he not do it by himself? How do you climb on a donkey when stirrups won't be invented for a few hundred more years, anyhow? Looking at the Greek translations, it sounds even stronger than just helping him mount - the disciples 'put Jesus on the donkey'. It makes Jesus sound almost like a helpless child, being lifted onto the donkey.

The visual on this so captured my mind, that I thought it would make a great painting. It's not a moment that I remember any artist capturing before.

If only some artist would draw it.

If only.

And then, of course, the thought percolated through my head, that perhaps I could draw it. Like, for real, not just as an egoistic fantasizing.

So I got out the sketch book and started blocking out what the figures might look like.

I don't have a good idea of what donkeys look like, so I found a picture online to copy.

I need a lot more practice with figures, clearly. But it was so much fun to do, and I am excited at what I might draw in the future.

Why Homeschooling Is So Exciting For Me Right Now, Part 3: Spanish

2011-10-14T23:09:00.000-07:00

"[C]hildren learn by example. Most importantly home-school teachers must serve, through their own behavior regarding their own work, as good examples for their students."-[Source]

I'm using this to make word lists, for my own use.

I took a two-month Spanish class at the local community college this past summer. There was lots of repetition of stuff I already knew, and I was tempted at times to feel bored. And then the teacher would ask if anyone remembered the word for carrots, and I would have to admit that no, I didn't, even though she'd told us three times before.

So the biggest thing I learned from the class was the need for endless repetition¹.

Since I want the kids to learn Spanish, too, I went over to the local school supply store to see if they had any Spanish workbooks. They had flashcards and one workbook that looked like it had more pages of "teacher's guide" than actual Spanish work for the student. I came home with a simple picture-dictionary, but as cool as it is, it was not having a lot of effect with the kids.

Attractive and well-done, though.

Gosh, I thought, why can't someone make a decent Spanish workbook?, I mean, even I could make a better workbook than anything I've seen.

I was just spouting off mentally, of course. I'm always thinking to myself that if I was the one running the country, or driving a bus, or running a scientific study, then I'd be doing it right. But slowly...

the thought percolated ...

through my mind ...

that maybe ...

just maybe ...

I actually could make a Spanish workbook.

And once that thought really registered, I went at it with great gusto. The kids' spelling and vocab workbooks are organized around having a set of words that they work on each week, with a activity page for each day, and that was how I started setting up my Spanish workbook.

Is it obvious which of Jose's relatives I'm aiming for with this picture?²

Right now I'm working on how to explain conjugation to a seven-year-old kid.

It's incredibly fun. And more than once, it has felt like God was slipping me ideas for activities to include.

I'm torn between making things look better with more color, and saving on my printing costs. Opinions on that?

If I keep this up for the whole year, then by the end, I will have a complete Spanish workbook. Kid-tested on my own kids.

Maybe someone will even find it worthwhile to buy it.

^{1. That lesson was re-inforced when I looked in one of the Seton math workbooks and saw a whole page of problems that all added up to 13, 14, or 15. The repetition clearly would help engrain those few math facts in. I realized I had been pushing the kids too fast, trying to make them learn more new things, just because they already understood the previous things, instead of waiting until they had memorized them.

2. I had a family tree picture, but I discovered that 16 words was too many for any of the kids except Kyrie. So next week the kids'll re-do the first week with eight family words instead of sixteen. I cut back the following week's Body Parts list from 16 to 8 as well. I'm even wondering if I should do twice as many activities (two weeks' worth) for each word list. But I'm not sure I can come up with that many activities.}

Why Homeschooling Is So Exciting For Me Right Now, Part 2: Nature Journal

2011-10-11T21:29:00.000-07:00

"[C]hildren learn by example. Most importantly home-school teachers must serve, through their own behavior regarding their own work, as good examples for their students."-[Source]

Although my kids technically have science workbooks, I got very inspired by yet another fabulous post from LMLD called The Beginning of Science is Observation.

Her advice for getting young children started on science is:

A. Use nature journals, with a space for drawing and a space for writing; go outside and have your kid record whatever he observes, starting with weather, temperature, etc.

B. Get a stereomicroscope (instead of a regular one) because you can use it for things that aren't opaque, and it works at a level that is just beyond what you can see with the eye, but still allows you to see the connection with what is visible.

So I made sure we all had nature journals. And I bought the stereomicroscope¹.

At some point I just decided that it would be easier to show them what I had in mind than to try to explain it. So we all went outside and sat in the grass and I started making observations, about how much of the grass was brown and how much was green². I drew pictures of the different kinds of grass, and was surprised to discover grass that was green on the top and dead on the bottom. I tried to capture the green/dead split on the various kinds of trees, drew pictures of Ken's tomatoes, and so on.

It was awesome.

I had no idea that I would find it as exciting as I did to make all these observations. I'm looking forward to having an overall record of when seasonal changes take place, and I hope to be able eventually to identify the trees and grasses in the neighborhood by name.

^{1. It was half-off from amazon. I was very happy about that part.

2. The grass isn't dying because it's winter. Here in the Pacific Northwest, the grass dies during the summer, when it's dry, and turns green again in the fall, after the rains start back up.}

Why Homeschooling Is So Exciting For Me Right Now, Part 1: Fiction

2011-10-08T00:39:00.000-07:00

"[C]hildren learn by example. Most importantly home-school teachers must serve, through their own behavior regarding their own work, as good examples for their students."-[Source]

That quote is written in the red "Trigun" notebook; I use it for making homeschooling-related notes.¹

When I was a kid, I made a couple attempts at writing fiction stories. I only remember two of them right now. The first consisted of a rabbit who, over the course of a few pages, solved all the world's problems. The second one was slightly more realistic; it involved time travel, talking trees, mysteriously appearing paint-sets, a gnome, and a mad scientist, but instead of ending with all the world's problems being solved, the characters just lived happily ever after².

Sometime after that, I came to the conclusion that I wasn't meant to write fiction. I think it was because I had kids, and when I attempted to tell them bedtime stories, my mind drew a complete blank. It was like trying to draw water out of a dry well; no matter how I reached down, nothing was coming up³. I could write non-fiction essays, especially in the form of blog posts, but ask me to make up a story and I'll just stare blankly, racking my brain in vain.

Every now and then, though, I'd have a flash of a thought. A plot twist, or a partial scene, would flash through my mind. An image. A character. Since it was never a whole plot, I figured these flashes didn't do me any real good; I couldn't turn them into stories without being able to think up of a plot.

Then I read The War of Art.

I didn't think of it in terms of fiction-writing at first. It was awesome, and I applied to it my life in various ways, the most immediate one being that I started the No-S diet, which I'm still on. But when it came to fiction, I just figured that was the author's thing, and not mine. Over time, though, I think the idea gradually leaked into my mind that maybe this belief that I wasn't good at fiction wasn't true; maybe it was just that Resistance that Pressfield talks about.

One day, when one of those flashes came to mind, I wrote it up for my blog. It wasn't a whole plot, but I told myself, hey, I wasn't trying to sell it to a publisher. I was just posting a Moment of Fiction. If people didn't like it - well, it would be replaced in a few day's time anyway.

That was the first toe-dip into this pool of fiction-writing.

Then there was that whole thing where I made Kyrie write a fiction story. Kyrie is insanely like me; her every personality quirk is something that I see in myself (especially myself at her age)⁴. Some part of me was thinking that if I could write fiction, so could Kyrie. If Kyrie could, so could I.

And then, thanks to Like Mother Like Daughter⁵, I read a fairy tale called The Enchanted Pig. And it occurred to me that some of these older tales, they just don't do plot like I'm used to. When I read Pinocchio - because it was on Elijah's reading list, and I'm having a blast with all the learning I'm doing from reading their books - I had the same impression. These tales lack the sort of focused plot where everything that happens forms a sort of coherent whole. Instead these tales have characters and a lot of apparently random things happen to them, although there is probably a moral involved. If The Enchanted Pig was a modern story, you would expect the older princesses to suffer for their disobedience, instead of having the younger princess - the one who wanted to do the right thing in the first place - be the one who has to go through hardships. If Pinocchio were a modern tale, he would have either gone to school or else worked a job, rather than starting the one only to end up doing the other. Maybe I didn't have to have a full-fledged plot all ready before I wrote the story, after all.

So, finally, one day when I was telling the kids they had to do some creative writing, I opened up a journal and wrote something.

Can you read this? Not that it's that interesting.

The plot was a little random. The ending was preachy⁶. It was a kids' story at best. But by golly, it was a story, and I had written it.

So now I'm going to type up for you something that I've written since then - a "flash" that occurred to me during Mass. It ends poorly, because I didn't know where to go with it, but I hope you will find it worth reading.

I was so inspired by writing the boy-rabbit story that I went out and got a proper (lines-only) writing journal for future stories. Even though I already had some. I really like this kind of journal.

********************************************************************************

Agatha and the young man

Agatha was an old lady now. For some years, she had found that she lacked the strength to lean over and pull down the kneelers at church. Perhaps if her church had lighter kneelers instead of the heavy, solid wood ones, she might have managed it. But her feet and hands, once quite capable, had grown weaker and frailer, and she could no longer pull it off. She could, however, just manage to get herself onto her knees on the cold, hard, stone floor. She hated kneeling on the floor; it hurt and it distracted her from the Mass and it made her grumpy. But, stubbornly determined to submit to the Lord, she made herself do it. On Sundays she could sit with someone else who would put the kneeler down, but for some months she had been the only one at daily Mass besides the priest. She was grateful that he kept saying Mass for just her.
This day, though, just before Mass started, a young man came in and sat behind her. He was dark-haired, overweight, and a bit on the tall side. Agatha, not about to let this opportunity pass, scooted as quick as she could back into the pew he had chosen, so that she would share kneelers with him. Old as she was, her scooting was not quick enough, and the priest was already done with his entrance - she hadn't even said the entrance antiphon - by the time she got in position. She felt a twinge of guilt for disrupting the mass this way, but brushed the thought aside as not worth worrying about.
As Mass got started, it became clear that the young visitor had no idea what he was doing. He held the book in his hands, turning the pages at first and then putting it back as he realized he had no hope of figuring out how to follow it. He mumbled a couple of responses, with a moment's delay that made it clear he was repeating after Agatha. But mostly he was just silent through the spoken parts. He sat or stood a moment after Agatha did, and looked very uncomfortable about the whole thing.
Agatha's heart went out to him, but she wasn't keen on disrupting the Mass further by whispering instructions to him. As the priest gave his brief homily, though, it dawned on her that the young man probably had no idea what kneelers were for, and would not know to put them down for her unless she said something. She decided that if she was going to be whispering then, she might as well be whispering all along. So she grabbed her book and scooted all the way over next to him. She found the spot in the book that they were on now, held the book where both could see it, and pointed to the spot, following along with her finger until it was clear he had caught up. Whispering additional instructions as necessary, she found each new section of the Mass in the booklet for him.
When it came time to kneel, the soft padding of the kneeler felt like heaven on her tender knees. Absorbed as she was in helping the young man follow the Mass, she paid a new attention to the words of the Mass and experienced them in a deeper way than usual. At the Eucharist, her heart overflowed with joy at God's goodness.
After Mass, the young man, looking somewhat lost and troubled, headed for thedoor. Agatha knew he must have come to Mass because he was searching for something. She felt tired again, but she called out to the man and said, "Young man, you really must come back again tomorrow. You have no idea how helpful you were."

********************************************************************************

^{1. Other people post pretty pictures of homeschooling things. I use notebooks with guys with guns on them. Because that's just what life is like in our apartment.

2. Calling myself a "kid" may be stretching it a bit; I know I started the first story in third grade - I think it took me some 6 years or so to get around to finishing it - but that second story was probably written in college. I would love to get my hands on a copy of that second story now. I think I have a version saved on one out of a stack of old floppy disks; unfortunately, I no longer have a computer that is capable of reading those old 3x5s. My aunt offered me an old computer for the kids; I jumped at the chance. Sadly, she's in the hospital now and definitely not up to getting me this computer. Prayers for her would be appreciated!

3. This lack on my part was especially vivid for me, because my dad always told us the greatest bedtime stories, and I went through a time of wishing I could do the same with my kids.

4. And Elijah is Ken's little mini-me.

5. That LMLD blog played another role in this, too. I have been getting so much out of it lately. It seems to me that there isn't really anything in there that I haven't heard from someone else, but somehow the way Leila says things is just exactly what I need to hear right now, over and over. It reminds me of a quote where some bishop explained why he was Dominican: it wasn't that he felt the Dominicans were a superior expression of the kingdom of God, but that they were, in fact, living out the kingdom of God right in front of him. In a similar way, it's not so much that the LMLD blog does something that is never done elsewhere, but that the blog is doing its own good right where it's at. This was an important insight for my writing, because I feel as if anything I write has been written better by someone else, and I'm just repeating what I have read. I need to be able to tell myself that it doesn't matter if someone else has done it better; all I have to do is write however well I can, and maybe it will reach people who won't be reached by that other, better writing.

6. I just noticed that, like the first story I wrote in grade school, once again a rabbit saved the day. Huh.}

Preparing for Mass

2011-10-04T22:24:00.000-07:00

This is a fairly little thing, but it is one among many things that God is doing in my life right now, which is what I'm trying to make this blog about.

I've been wondering lately about ways to engage my kids in the Mass, particularly Elijah¹. So much of it goes straight over their heads.

So the Sunday before last, the priest basically said we all ought to prepare for Mass by reading the scripture readings ahead of time; a recommendation that I've heard often enough, and even done before, for some periods in my life. And it suddenly occurred to me that I should read the Scriptures to the kids on Sunday mornings.

So last Sunday, I read the readings to them during breakfast and explained them in ultra-simple terms.

During Mass, when it came time for the first reading, I whispered to Elijah that this was the same reading we had talked about that morning. When the second reading started, he - with a modicum of excitement - said that we had read this one, too! I was pleased. Though I doubt he will show much more reaction in the future, I am hoping that he will absorb something more out of Mass this way².

^{1. My parish has been issuing its annual notices that it's time to sign up your kids for First Communion classes. Elijah is old enough to go, but he is so uninterested in the Mass that I decided not to send him this year. Every time I hear about the classes again, I start thinking anew about how to spark some interest in him.

2. If I can keep it up. Which topic probably deserves a post all its own, someday.}

PicVids - September 2011

2011-09-30T22:20:00.000-07:00

September was a good month for us.

Gabe's Birthday

A slightly blurry, but adorable, shot of the Birthday Boy

The Birthday Boy got special treatment on his birthday. I made pancakes for breakfast. He got to play video games as much as he wanted, without having to give up his turn to anyone. His siblings gave him extra attention. Since he often gets the short end of the stick, being just 2 - now 3! - he really appreciated all this. At his birthday dinner, I asked him what the highlight of his last year was. And then, to put it in terms he could understand, I started asking him what his favorite thing was - Sonic? video games? ipad? candy? cake? He finally answered something else, and after I made him repeat it about 15 times, I finally figured out that he was saying his favorite thing was "birthday". Awww!

Oh yeah, and he's not wearing pants because he's potty-training.

And then came the presents.

Naturally, presents trump the overall birthday experience.

Cause presents are AWESOME.

Even when your siblings and friends keep stealing them.

Julie's First Birthday

Julie is blessed to have godparents who have a daughter her age. They are so similar right now, Ken and I kept remarking on it. I think they even kind of fascinated each other, as much as one year olds do.

We all enjoyed the birthday brownie cake that her godmother made. And the cheese log that I made. Ken made something too¹.

She's kissing the doll. Not biting the head off. I promise. I think.

This time she is eating it.

^{1. That's a joke. Ken spent the whole day making dinner. Which was too spicy for me and the kids, but Angela - Julie's godmother - enjoyed it.}

Miscellaneous

This is from last month, when Julie first started taking getting serious about walking.

This was an interesting phenomenon that the kids got VERY excited about.

As you can see, Jules is ready to be one of the big kids, trying to imitate Savi's jumping jacks.

What can I say? Julie is very photogenic at this age.

Is there a word that means the equivalent of photogenic, for the ears? She's, umm... cute on the ears.

Funny Things Kids Do

2011-09-27T13:38:00.000-07:00

Savi walks around behind the chair I'm sitting in, bumping against it several times, and not being quiet at all. Then she calls out, "Mom, where am I?". When I answer, "behind the chair", she says in a wondering tone, "How did you know where I was?".

Bloodthirsty Pirate Jules can find you, too.

Even if you try to hide in the bedroom.

Gabe or Julie had spilled some water on my bedroom floor, and I asked Kyrie to get a towel and clean it up. Kyrie said in reply, "It's your mess, you clean it up."

I laughed at Kyrie instead of reprimanding her, since her tone was not disrespectful. But the kids did get the shaking finger when they kept trying to "help" Gabe unwrap his presents or immediately took the toys out of his hands.

I'm too cool to clean up.

Savi: "I like that [new] toothpaste! The other kind of toothpaste is so kind of not good."

Vampire Bloodthirsty Pirates don't need toothpaste. (Can you see how the outer teeth came in before the inner ones on top?)

While eating the potatoes Ken cooked for breakfast...

Savi: Knock Knock.

Me: Who's there?

Savi: Potato

Me: Potato who?

Savi (in a cute high-pitched voice): "Oh no, a big potato is eating us!"

It's the hot dogs, not the potatoes, that just have a way of defeating Gabe.

Savi, handing me Ken's whiskey glass, said, "Here's Dad's communion cup!"

That's not a communion cup, either, baby girl.

Someday I'll Get a Maid

2011-09-23T21:56:00.000-07:00

So one night I'm at my prayer group, and we're, you know, praying. When it was my turn to be prayed over, someone asked God to give me a special gift that would fill my heart up. So of course, when we got home, I started listing all the things that I might want. (Cause, you know, I'm so mature and ... um... not greedy.)

After running my mind over the possibilities - especially a treadmill so that I can go running - I finally thought to myself that what I really would like - what would really put my heart at peace - is a clean, uncluttered house.

Two days later, I woke and read Jennifer Fulwiler's post about stay-at-home moms getting domestic help. Hmm. I thought. I think God's saying something here.

So I emailed it to my husband. Who promptly emailed back telling me that I'm not getting a maid.

Being a ~~self-centered~~ enlightened modern woman, I ignored him and started looking up online to find out how much a maid service would cost. When I finally got back a reply, I discovered that only the once-a-month rate might potentially be feasible for us, even though a biweekly cleaning sounded so much better. I decided to pray, hoping that God would see fit to provide us the money for what I wanted. A bit later, doing something different, I came across the following Scripture verse (my emphasis):

Rev 22:1-5 Then the angel showed me the river of life-giving water, sparkling like crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of its street. On either side of the river grew the tree of life that produces fruit twelve times a year, once each month; the leaves of the trees serve as medicine for the nations. Nothing accursed will be found there anymore. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will look upon his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. Night will be no more, nor will they need light from lamp or sun, for the Lord God shall give them light, and they shall reign forever and ever.

I instantly had a mental picture of life-giving water pouring over my house, cleaning everything out and making it all "sparkle like crystal". Ok, God, I can settle for once a month; I'm just happy you're saying yes to this.

This was followed by about a gazillion references to waiting patiently, "the time is not yet", be patient, wait for it, and so on. So, I don't know when this maid service thing might happen¹. In the meantime, I'm trying to do more cleaning myself² and I'm also putting more effort into training the kids³ to be in the habit of cleaning.

But I'm also waiting expectantly for God to carry through on his promise.

^{1. Maybe the next time I get pregnant. That would be an especially useful time to have maid service, I think.

2. That will be a future post. If I can ever manage to make enough progress that a photograph could count as an "after" picture.

3. Cause we all know how helpful the kids are. Seriously, am I the only one who has noticed how some issue seems to come up in a whole lot of blogs all at once? Simcha wrote that piece, Jen wrote her first take here, about her kids cleaning, right at the same time that I had been inspired by the lovely ladies at Like Mother, Like Daughter blog to get my kids more involved. It's like God has a plan or something.}

Does God Want to Heal You?

2011-09-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

1. Intro

I've been struggling for a few years now with how the gift of healing works, in the charismatic sense. I know that these healings happen. I've seen a few of them. But I have so many questions.

Are we to pray as Jesus did, ordering the sickness out? Are we to humbly ask God to do the healing, if it is his will? What about the people who we pray for, but aren't healed? Did one of us lack faith and mess the whole thing up? Should we ask God whether he wants the person to be healed, before we pray for healing? Or should we assume he wants everyone to be healed? Should we expect everyone to be healed instantly - is that what faith is? Or should we just keep praying until there is some proof of healing? And so on and so forth.

Then one day I picked up a book called The Power to Heal by Fr. Francis MacNutt and started reading. It felt like God hitting me over the head with answers.

One insight in particular that I got out of the book I would like to share with you.

2. Background: The Two Theological Positions

A friend of mine¹ once told me that it was God's will for everyone to be healed; the proof was that Jesus healed everyone who asked him. Jesus never turned someone away and said that God was keeping them sick for a reason. This idea contrasts sharply with the current emphasis in Catholic writing on embracing sickness as a suffering that we should offer to God². The fact that Jesus healed everyone is compelling, in precisely the same way that Jesus choosing only males for his Twelve apostles is a compelling argument against women priests.

At the same time, I couldn't quite buy it. Some five or six years ago, a lady that I was peripherally acquainted with got a virulent form of cancer. Whenever I went to pray for her, I felt distinctly that God was telling me not to pray for her healing. I could pray for her soul, I could pray for her family, but not for her healing. She died some three months or so later. More recently, there was an elderly man at my parish who developed some sort of fatal lung condition. I prayed for his healing, but my prayers felt empty. The man himself spoke of growing closer to God through his illness (which he eventually died of). My own experience told me that sometimes sickness was a part of God's will, something he was bringing good out of. Also, God is not limited in power; if it was really his will for everyone to be healthy, then why would he allow people to be sick?

I simply could not reconcile these polar philosophies; I was stuck in limbo between them.

3. The Insight

And then I read the following passage from the book (italic his emphasis, bold mine):

So I must recognize that the reason many people are not healed (or are improved but not altogether healed) is not that God wills it, but it is simply a factor of my own spiritual and human weakness. I must do the best I can, humbly recognize my littleness and determine to grow more, without straining. I don't need to get into lengthy disquisitions about God's will; I just need to recognize that the basic reason people I pray for are not healed has little to do with God's perfect will, or to a lack of faith on the part of the sick person. If anything, it has to do with my own lack of spiritual power. I need to be more in union with Jesus, the source of that power, than I now am.

God's perfect will.

God's perfect will.

His perfect will, as opposed to what he is willing to settle for.

I don't think it had ever occurred to me before that God's will wasn't a black and white, "yes" or "no", sort of thing. I mean, I know I've heard some theology down the line about God's permissive will vs.... well, I forget the other term. Something implying perfect will, I'm sure. But that had never registered in my mind as a distinction that particularly correlated with, well... anything. It was just one of those abstract thought-games, that theologians seem to have fun with. Now, though, as I thought about the difference between "what I ideally want" and "what I am willing to settle for", an example came to mind.

4. The Example: Thinking in Mom Terms

Last July, as a sort of experiment in our homeschooling, I told Kyrie I wanted her to write a story. It had to be at least five sentences long. It could be about anything she wanted, but she had to write it. When she resisted, I told her that if she didn't do it, she had to write "I will obey Mom" on every line of one page of her notebook.

I meant once on each line, but this is better, so I didn't say so to her.

This is what she handed me³.

The second day I did the same thing.

I like how it takes her a few lines before her words line up with each other.

With the same results.

All world-building and no plot. Exactly how I write, the couple times I tried fiction.

Finally, on the third day, she came up with something.

The point is, she obeyed me. Not just on the third day, when she finally wrote something, but the first day. I had given her a choice: write a story, or write "I will obey Mom". She did the latter. She did my will.

But she didn't do my perfect will.

She didn't do what I really wanted her to do, but she did what I was willing to settle for, for the time being.

5. Conclusion

In the same way, I can now see it being God's perfect will for everyone to be healed. When we resist Him, he may settle for something else; he may settle for us being unhealthy⁴. But just as I got what I wanted with Kyrie in the end, so too will he get the health he wants for us, in the end, at the Resurrection if not sooner.

And even though he has been settling for sickness, and even if he continues to settle for sickness, for his own mysterious reasons, when I am praying, right here and now, for my own or someone else's healing, I can trust that that healing is what God really wants.

^{1. An online friend.

2. MacNutt makes the interesting distinction between suffering and sickness; Jesus suffered, but he was never sick. (And we are to imitate Him.) The author also has a curious way of insisting both that God wants everyone healed and that there is such a thing as redemptive sickness, as some saints have experienced.

3. When I showed Ken the picture, he said, "That's true resistance." Which I thought was interesting, since it was, in fact, a textbook example of what Steven Pressfield calls Resistance, in his book The War of Art, which is part of what I was thinking about in asking Kyrie to write the story in the first place.

4. So, clearly, the path towards health lies in resisting God less. For the record, I'm not saying that the sick person is necessarily the one doing the resisting. It may be that God wants them to be healed by someone who is resisting the gift of healing, for example. And the blind man in John 9 was blind so that everyone could be amazed and brought closer to God when Jesus healed him. Ultimately, this means that it was their resistance, and not the blind man's, that was the reason God settled for the blindness.}

Failure Teaches Humility

2011-09-16T22:55:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was up late again. Not so much because I was choosing to stay up late - although I may have been 20 minutes or so behind - but because my mind was racing and I could not fall asleep. I tried all my usual techniques. I relaxed my muscles individually. I counted Spanish sheep¹. I forced my thoughts to focus on the stillness around me. That lasted about two minutes before my thoughts were racing again. Nothing was working. I could not fall asleep.

After too long of this, I was getting quite frustrated. Why can't I go to sleep, God? I thought. Don't you want me to be rested enough to do your will tomorrow? After I finally got past the blaming-God stage (one it seems I inevitably go through, fruitless though it always turns out to be), I finally switched gears and prayed differently. God, I can't do this. No matter what I try, I can't make myself go to sleep. I need you to do this for me, God. Please make me fall asleep.

Immediately I felt myself start to relax. Within ten minutes, I was asleep.

That's a box of wipes in the back. Doesn't everyone keep diaper-changing supplies on their bed?

The next morning, as part of my regular devotion, I discovered I was at Luke 18:9-14, the parable of the Pharisee and the Publican:
He then spoke this parable addressed to those who believed in their own self-righteousness while holding everyone else in contempt. "Two men went up to the temple to pray: one was a Pharisee, the other a tax collector. The Pharisee with head unbowed prayed in this fashion: 'I give you thanks, O God, that I am not like the rest of men - grasping, crooked, adulterous - or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week. I pay tithes on all I possess.' The other man, however, kept his distance, not even daring to raise his eyes to heaven. All he did was beat his breast and say, 'O God, be merciful to me, a sinner.' Believe me, this man went home from the temple justified but the other did not. For everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled while he who humbles himself shall be exalted."

I have to come to appreciate the fact that God sends me things that I cannot handle myself, in order to humble me and remind me that I am dependent on Him for even the littlest things. However long I continue to try to do it myself, I continue to fail. Only when I turn to the Most High and ask him to do it for me, in me, do I start to see some progress. If it wasn't for these failures that God sends me, I would be that Pharisee priding myself on being better than everyone around me; I see myself well enough to know that for the truth. So, unpleasant though it is, I accept these failures as being for my own good.

And next time, I can turn to God right away, and spare myself the trouble of fighting His will.

^{1. I don't really picture sheep. But after counting backwards (over the course of months) from the present to about 2500 or 3000 BC, it occurred to me that counting in Spanish might be good practice to help me learn the numbers. I'm currently on quinientos sesenta y dos, I think.}

Have You Forgiven Bin Laden?

2011-09-13T22:28:00.000-07:00

So, first, about forty-odd years ago, the Catholic Church sets up a three-year cycle that determines which Scripture passages will be read on which Sundays of the year¹.

Then 9/11 happens. May they all rest in peace.

Ten is a nice round number for us humans, and we sure like round numbers, don't we? So the tenth anniversary of 9/11 will get our attention, more so even than other anniversaries. Especially since it just happens that this was the year we caught and killed Bin Laden, the mastermind behind the attacks.

Then it just happens that the tenth anniversary of 9/11 is a Sunday.

And it just happens that the Scripture readings on this tenth anniversary focus completely on forgiveness.²

Yeah, God is totally telling us that we need to forgive Bin Laden and the Taliban³.

Warning us to forgive them, I might even say.

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Twenty-Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time⁴

Reading 1: Sir 27:30-28:7

Wrath and anger are hateful things,
yet the sinner hugs them tight.
The vengeful will suffer the LORD's vengeance,
for he remembers their sins in detail.
Forgive your neighbor's injustice;
then when you pray, your own sins will be forgiven.
Could anyone nourish anger against another
and expect healing from the LORD?
Could anyone refuse mercy to another like himself,
can he seek pardon for his own sins?
If one who is but flesh cherishes wrath,
who will forgive his sins?
Remember your last days, set enmity aside;
remember death and decay, and cease from sin!
Think of the commandments, hate not your neighbor;
remember the Most High's covenant, and overlook faults.

Responsorial Psalm: Ps 103:1-2, 3-4, 9-10, 11-12

R. The Lord is kind and merciful, slow to anger, and rich in compassion.
Bless the LORD, O my soul;
and all my being, bless his holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits.
R. The Lord is kind and merciful, slow to anger, and rich in compassion.
He pardons all your iniquities,
heals all your ills.
redeems your life from destruction,
he crowns you with kindness and compassion.
R. The Lord is kind and merciful, slow to anger, and rich in compassion.
He will not always chide,
nor does he keep his wrath forever.
Not according to our sins does he deal with us,
nor does he requite us according to our crimes.
R. The Lord is kind and merciful, slow to anger, and rich in compassion.
For as the heavens are high above the earth,
so surpassing is his kindness toward those who fear him.
As far as the east is from the west,
so far has he put our transgressions from us.
R. The Lord is kind and merciful, slow to anger, and rich in compassion.

Reading 2: Rom 14:7-9

Brothers and sisters:
None of us lives for oneself, and no one dies for oneself.
For if we live, we live for the Lord,
and if we die, we die for the Lord;
so then, whether we live or die, we are the Lord's.
For this is why Christ died and came to life,
that he might be Lord of both the dead and the living.

Gospel: Mt 18:21-35

Peter approached Jesus and asked him,
"Lord, if my brother sins against me,
how often must I forgive?
As many as seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.
That is why the kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king
who decided to settle accounts with his servants.
When he began the accounting,
a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount.
Since he had no way of paying it back,
his master ordered him to be sold,
along with his wife, his children, and all his property,
in payment of the debt.
At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said,
'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.'
Moved with compassion the master of that servant
let him go and forgave him the loan.
When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants
who owed him a much smaller amount.
He seized him and started to choke him, demanding,
'Pay back what you owe.'
Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him,
'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.'
But he refused.
Instead, he had the fellow servant put in prison
until he paid back the debt.
Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened,
they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master
and reported the whole affair.
His master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant!
I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to.
Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant,
as I had pity on you?'
Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers
until he should pay back the whole debt.
So will my heavenly Father do to you,
unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart."

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^{1. To the best of my knowledge. We are currently using a 1998 "edition" of the lectionary, but as far as I know, the actual cycle of readings didn't change with the updated edition. Even if I'm wrong about that, though, it's still before 9/11 happened.

2. For a bonus, the one reading that doesn't focus directly on forgiveness - the reading from Romans - tells us that "whether we live or die, we are the Lord's". Just to drive home that all those who died in 9/11, they belong to the Lord. And all those who have survived but lost out on someone or something because of the attacks ... they are the Lord's too. Jesus, who died and rose, is Lord of both the living and the dead, we are told.

3. Yes, I think it matters whether we forgive Bin Laden, even though he's already dead. For our sake, and (because I'm Catholic and we believe in Purgatory and I hope he's there) for his. Forgiving the rest of the Taliban is important, too.

4. The bold emphases in the Scripture verses are, obviously, mine.}

What Kind of Community Service Can Kids Do?

2011-09-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

This is one of those things where I think God is telling me something, because the same issue keeps coming up, over and over. And over.

1. First I get sent this link about student's suggestions to improve school. Gosh, I think, I can incorporate most of those into my homeschooling. But the seventh one on that list, "off-campus community service once a week", that one sounds impossible for us. I mean, really, what kind of help can I be with all the little kids in tow?

2. Then as I was looking into homeschool curricula, and poring over reviews, I came across several mentions of doing regular (weekly) community service, and somehow I notice it every time, even though I'd prefer not to.

3. Finally, Ken sees this Primetime Nightline special on the Bates family with their 18 kids (Ken was extremely impressed), and he emails me a link about them, and when it gets to the part about all of the kids doing weekly community service - it looked like they were playing a concert at an old folk's home - my reaction was some combo of "!!" and "Well, I guess God's really trying to tell me something here."

So the question is... what kind of community service thing can I do with my kids, age 8 to 11 months? And is this really realistic, or would I be overextending myself?

God and Potty-Training

2011-09-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

God and potty-training... you probably don't usually think of those two topics as going together, do you? But I bet there's more than one mom out there who can relate when I say that potty-training causes all sorts of spiritual downers - frustration, exhaustion, the desire to throttle your two-year-old son.

That was about where I was at last Saturday.

WARNING: If you don't like discussions of gross bodily functions, this post is not for you. You have been duly warned.

I'd started Gabe out on his potty-training journey some two weeks before. I'd stuck him in underwear for a day and started sitting him on the toilet every 20 minutes to an hour. By the end of the day, I had remembered that I had a pack of Pull-Ups that had been taking up space in the kids' closet for the last three years, leftover from potty-training Savi. I thought NOT having to clean up Gabe's accidents sounded awesome, so I switched him to the Pull-Ups.

Not once in the next two weeks did he pee in the toilet.

I started going longer and longer between sitting him on the potty. By the end of the two weeks, he was running low on Pull-Ups, so I stuck him back in diapers. On Friday, I decided this weekend was going to be my last chance. If I didn't have Gabe at least starting to get the idea, then potty-training him was going to ruin homeschooling. I was going to have to get serious. I psyched myself up, telling myself this was it, I was going to do it, man! I leaped up Saturday morning, set Gabe on the toilet, put him back in real underwear, and set the timer for 30 minutes.

About five hours and several accident-cleanings later, I was ready to give up. He's never going to get it, I thought. God, where are you? Help! Finally I calmed my despair down enough to ask God more simply, God, please help Gabe pee in the toilet.

The next time Gabe needed to go, he leaked a bit onto his underwear, and then informed me ... ("Da poop" he calls it... I don't know why he has the two reversed). I got him onto the toilet and he finished going. The next time, he informed me before he went.

Another answered prayer. Really, it never ceases to amaze me when God answers "little" things like that, just because I ask Him to.

^{Note: He still has a long way to go, but it's a ton of progress for him. He even #2'd on the toilet today. Also, I've been thinking lately that I really should take the time to put some appropriate pictures in my blog posts. However, I think you can all be grateful that I am NOT including relevant pictures on this particular post.}

Homeschooling - Year 1

2011-09-02T23:48:00.000-07:00

The Decision To Do It¹

In Feb of 2010, I first started thinking seriously about homeschooling my kids. I had thought vaguely about it before and read about it quite a bit on the internet, but I knew I was lazy, so I didn't do it. Then one day I was listening to the radio and I heard the statistic that homeschoolers on average score in the 70th or 80th percentiles². Over time, that statistic really got to me. I mean, even if I do homeschooling badly and end up on the lower half of the homeschooling Bell curve, my kids will still probably be better off than in a public school.

So I started thinking about it.

I read a couple homeschooling books. The book Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius is actually the one that got me thinking the most about how I'd want to do it. During the summer of '10, I embarked on the experiment. I set things up as I wanted, and we went at it, adjusting things as we went.³ I prayed about it, asking God if he wanted me to keep doing this or not.

And every time I asked God, I felt a sense of peace about homeschooling. And no peace about keeping the kids in school, even though I really liked the kindergarten teacher that both Kyrie and Elijah had gotten, and had no serious complaints about the elementary school.

So I did it.

I made the legal notifications, and when the school year started up in the fall, Kyrie and Elijah did not go. When people asked me why I was homeschooling, I would either point to the apparent advantage in quality of learning or else I would say "Because I think God wants me to."⁴

The First Year

Because I was inspired by the Montessori book to try to use Montessori principles, and because there are no Montessori curriculums out there for homeschooling parents, I decided to make up my own curriculum as I go. Over the course of the year, my methods evolved. I got a history book and a poetry book. I printed free math sheets online for math practice. We tried to do some Spanish flash cards, but that was a limited success at best. I started off by having them write and/or draw in a journal every day. I put together a paper with color-coded descriptions of all the parts of speech, and laminated it; we played verb-charades and "guess that noun". We practiced the prayers that Kyrie had to learn for her First Communion class. We went to OMSI. Savi joined in the homeschooling activities after her 5th birthday in February. By the end of the year, I was requiring them to do reading, writing, and math practice every day, as well as cycling through the other subjects over the week.

I found out that the hardest thing about homeschooling was anxiety.

I had an advantage here. I knew God wanted me to homeschool, so I didn't let myself be anxious about whether I was right to or not. I did spend an awful lot of time thinking about how much I should push the kids and whether I was missing something important, but for the most part I was satisfied with how things were going. My biggest concern was how much time we had taken off to deal with "life" issues: the van breaking, decluttering, and so on. I told myself I would make up for it by homeschooling during the summer. All in all, I developed a better appreciation for why people burn out on homeschool, but I was glad not to be there right now.

God Tells Me To Buy a Curriculum

Despite my overall satisfaction, the idea of picking a curriculum flitted vaguely through my head a couple times early this summer.

And then I had this dream.

I dreamt that my kids were attending Trinity - the high school I attended⁵. In my dream, I was so relieved that someone else was taking care of my kids' education and I didn't have to spend all that time thinking about it anymore, that I could just trust that they would be well-educated. When I woke up, that relief was still vivid in my mind, and captured my mind, so that I had to ponder it.

As I was speculating about my schooling options, it occurred to me that my main issue with buying a curriculum was that I didn't know if I could trust them to have high academic standards. So I asked myself: is there any curriculum I trust? And right away a name came to mind - Seton. Memories drifted up of reviews that I had seen online, way back when, complaining that Seton was too difficult, too dry, pushed the kids too hard. That's just the kind of complaint that people make about Trinity; Seton is the Trinity School of homeschooling, I thought to myself.⁶

Concerned about the conflict between a "dry" Seton curriculum and Montessori principles of using materials that attract interest, I opened up the Montessori book and started reading the intro. Almost immediately I came across a discussion of the swing between too-rigid schooling and too-loose schooling, and how Montessori avoids the problems of the latter by having a very structured curriculum⁷.

Structured curriculum, I thought. Hmm. I think God's trying to tell me something.

So Seton it was. I later had a spurt of second-thoughts and spent a weekend poring over reviews and looking at online "glimpses" into books. There was one set of curriculum that caught my eye - Living Books Curriculum. I looked over their reading list and felt this pull towards it. I can only think to describe it as a spiritual longing, rather to my surprise. I still had a sense during prayer that I should be getting Seton for this year, though, and there was no WAY we could afford to buy the whole LBC for Kyrie and Elijah and Savi, and Ken thought the kids still needed workbooks. I wasn't quite able to ignore that pull, though, or put it off for another year. So I made up a list of all the books on the LBC lists that were available from the library - sometimes substituting a different book on the same or similar topic, if the LBC one wasn't available. Seton will be our regular curriculum books, and I am going to try to have the kids each read one book from the reading list every week⁸, and discuss it with me.

We picked up the first week's set of reading books from the library today, and the Seton books should arrive by Tuesday, a perfect time to start the new school year. I am SUPER excited about this all.

^{1. Yeah, this section is before the the first year of actual homeschooling, but I don't think I really laid this out before on my blog, so I am now.

2. It was on Dr. Ray Guarendi's show. This link puts the average at 86th percentile.

3. One of the more interesting anecdotes from that time is that Elijah, fresh out of kindergarten, started reading this book called Extreme Nature. At 4.1 lbs, it literally weighed more than a tenth of what he did. It's 320 pages of gorgeous pictures and adult-level reading. He refused to let me read it with him or explain what it was talking about. He didn't understand almost anything at all from it, but he worked his way patiently through the whole thing until he had read every page. I was proud of him, and he was proud of himself.

4. Depending on how I thought whoever I was talking to would take the God-explanation, mostly. But I always have this urge to make it clear that (a) just because God wants me to homeschool doesn't mean he's telling you to do it also; and (b) I'm not one of those people who homeschools as a way to protect their kids from all those anti-Christian influences in secular culture. I mean, really, my kids have no shortage of secular influences. I worry about them being a bad influence on the sweet little kids in the homeschooling group that we're joining. Although I got to say, it IS really nice not to have my kids coming home asking to buy a DS or watch Hannah Montana all the time.

5. Trinity School at River Ridge. The kids were the same age in the dream as they are now, and they were not super-geniuses in the dream. Trinity was just accommodating them somehow. And my dream also ignored the fact that we live in Oregon, and Trinity is back in Minneapolis. But then, I find that almost all of my dreams take place in the house I grew up in, if they take place in any recognizable location.

6. And then, in true geek fashion, I thought, "Seton:homeschooling curricula :: Trinity:high schools". And then wondered whether I should call them curricula or curriculums.

7. Unstructured schedule, structured curriculum.

8. I have no idea if the kids will be able to read one book per week. Especially Elijah, who is crazy smart, but whose interest is pretty limited to Angry Birds and Sonic right now. He never did read that Hardy Boys book. There's only 25 books in his reading list, though, and twice that number of weeks before the next school year starts, so I figure that's lots of wiggle room.}

PicVids - August 2011

2011-08-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

We had a busy month.

From July 29th to August 1st, the kids and I were up in Seattle...

Uncle Steve took us to Ivar's on Friday night. Yum!

On Saturday was the family reunion. Someone appears to have been demonstrating poses for Savi to imitate.

Sunday we visited Nana and Steve at their house.

Much fun was had by all.

Nana let the kids pick some of the flowers in her beautiful garden.

Back home again, we get a few days to hang out before heading out again.

The weekend of the 7th was Brittany's wedding! At the beach!

I'm not including pics of Brittany's wedding in this post. If I remember to, it deserves a post of its own.

Kyrie showed herself quite adept at befriending three or four random kids on the beach.

Ah, my cute husband.

Ah, my silly son.

This was the mega-engineering project that we all worked on at the beach. Much of it was already in place. But it was awesome.

Did I mention we were camping this weekend?

Father-son bonding time over Angry Birds

In case you can't tell, he is, very very softly, doing "This little piggy" on Julie's toes.

Elijah lost his first tooth!

Julie has some silly moments by herself.

Julie has some silly moments with her sister.

And with her brother.

You think she's waving at you, but she's actually giving the hand-sign saying she wants to nurse. Or, possibly, she's just discovered how to open and close her hand. It's hard to tell at this age.

Oh, and Julie totally started walking, but apparently I don't have any videos of it yet.

Funny Things Kids Do

2011-08-27T13:29:00.000-07:00

Elijah: "Julie, how about instead of eating that pen [as he takes it away from her], you eat this graham cracker [as he hands it to her]?"

This is not revenge on Julie's part. Really.

At the library:
Me, to Elijah: "I think you would like this Hardy Boys book."
Elijah, looking at how thick it is: "No thanks."
Me: "It's about two boys having adventures and stuff, and having to find the bad guys."
Elijah: "Ok, let's get it."

Getting Elijah to read a book is almost as difficult as shoring up this dam's leak.

Savi: "Look Mom, the ipad put red dots under my name."
Me: "Yes, that's because it doesn't know your name is a real word and it thinks you misspelled it. Here, let me see if I can fix that."
Savi: "No, I like it like that."

Someone at the reunion taught Savi some poses... or tried to?

Savi: "Mom, can I have just one more beer?"
[She meant root beer.]

Who doesn't like beer? I mean, besides me and half my family?

One morning I told Gabe to go get some clothes to put on. He came back holding up pajama bottoms in one hand, and a pillowcase in the other.

He may have learned the futility of chasing birds this day. Or he might not have.

Savi: "Mom, can I have some coffee?"
["I mean tea."]

Savi wanted tea because Kyrie had some; Kyrie wanted to pose because Savi did. I want to call this a "stork pose". Clearly it's a classic that should be added to the repertoire of all professional models.

Umm... Blog Award.

2011-08-23T14:24:00.000-07:00

So I guess I've earned my first blog award? Actually, it is not quite inconceivable that someone else awarded me a blog award before (I'm thinking of you Tienne) and I just didn't do anything about it. I probably wouldn't do anything about this one, too, but I've spent the last five days (a) being sick with a cold, (b) pouring over the blog Like Mother Like Daughter and being inspired to attempt to clean my house¹, and (c) pouring over homeschool curriculum².

So, basically, I'm taking the lazy way out and just posting this award that I got:

I got this from my cousin Lisa. Yeah, so, umm, I guess I'm also supposed to nominate some other blogs and let them know that and whatnot, but I'm just going to have to be a spoilsport and not do that. Almost everyone on my blog-reading list either (a) has more than 100 subscribers or (b) hasn't posted in months or years. So tough luck on that.

But, thanks Lisa. Due to your kind award, I got to, like, not put any effort into writing today. ;)

^{1. I spent a little over an hour yesterday cleaning my living room. I never got past the five or so square feet behind the couch. And I still need to go back, hopefully today, to do some more in that same section. Pitiful, isn't it? But I am so inspired by the idea of even that little section being really clean. If it takes me a whole week's worth of an-hour-a-day cleaning to finish the living room, I think it will have been worth it.

2. If you have never done this, you probably have no idea how difficult it is to settle on something. I totally thought I had, and then Ken asked to see what I had selected - which totally delighted me to have him involved - and he noticed several things that I hadn't, which made me decide to go through the work of comparing some more curriculum. So I've got four browser tabs going with different curricula, and I go through and compare them subject by subject, making notes for myself in Evernote. They're all so complicated, and it's hard to get a thorough feel for what I'd be buying without holding the books in my hands. I need something like the MACHE conference that Dad used to tape, only out here in Oregon. And at a price that would make it worthwhile for me.}

Walking the Environmental Walk

2011-08-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

Back some time ago, I was having an email conversation with one of my brothers that touched on, among other things, environmentalism. I believe strongly that we need to take better care of the planet than we are doing. It occurred to me, though, that, other than our regular recycling, I'm not really doing much that is specifically environmentally-friendly.

Now, I have my reasons. Composting is time-consuming, and because of Ken's carnivorous tendencies, most of our food waste has some meat in it, which I understand is not good to compost, especially in areas with meat-eating wildlife. And we have a whole pack of coyotes living in the quarry on the other side of our backyard fence. Giving up the car would mean not getting out much, since taking 5 kids on public transport requires lots of effort. And since most of my friends do not live somewhere I can reach by public transport within a reasonable amount of time, giving up the car would mean giving up on some people I am very close to. And so on and so forth.

In an effort to go beyond talking the talk into walking the walk, I asked God what I could do to be more environmentally friendly. Use less water.

I asked several times over the course of a couple weeks, and every time, it was like there was this tiny whisper of a thought: "Use less water. (But don't go overboard)." So I started trying to think of ways to use less water.

And immediately ran into a brick wall.

I love the high-performance showerhead that we recently got, and while I might possibly be convinced to give it up, I don't think Ken could be.
Again, I could possibly be convinced to adopt water conservation techniques, but I don't want to, and I'm pretty sure Ken would object strenuously if I suggested it.
Any other attempt to reduce our water usage basically means doing less cleaning. Laundry; dishes; baths, those are pretty much our major water uses. I already make all of my kids share the same bathwater, and I try to do only full loads of laundry because I have to pay actual quarters for each load.

It seemed like any of my options would lead to some way of me failing as a wife or mother, so I didn't see how I could save water. But the thought would not go away. It kept nagging at me and bugging me for several months. Every time I did dishes or washed my hands, it would come back to mind. Finally, one day, when I was washing dishes and the thought was nagging at me again, in an effort to relieve my frustration with the thought, I reached out and turned the faucet down a little.

And there was peace.

I was like.... "Seriously, God? Seriously?!" I mean, c'mon here. We have seven people taking showers and baths, flushing the toilet down umpteen times a day, washing hands, seven plus loads of laundry a week, tons of dirty dishes that require sinkfuls of water to clean them...how can turning the water faucet down ever so slightly make any difference? As I thought about it, though, I realized that all that other water that we use is needed. This tiny bit of water that is the difference between having the faucet on medium and having it on low - that tiny bit was superfluous. Not being able to do anything about the rest of the water we use didn't mean that this comparatively tiny amount didn't matter. I also belatedly noticed that it was when I was running the faucet - i.e. when I was doing dishes or washing my hands - that I had been bothered by the thought that I should use less water. That thought was not occurring to me when I was flushing the toilet or taking a shower.

So there you go. Now I'm trying to keep the faucet down low and use less water.

Comic 1

2011-08-16T16:43:00.000-07:00

In lieu of any writing today, I offer the first comic I drew. I'm sort of vaguely thinking of making them into a series, but that would require, well, effort, so we'll see.